Everyone in the pool! Oh, wait, Starfucker is already in there.

As part of the way cool Lost Gospel series, Starfucker is playing a show from a kiddie pool. But won't they die from electrocution? And what about swimming within 20 minutes of eating? Won't they get a cramp and surely drown? No! The pool will be water-free (booooo!), but you can expect: "beach balls, innertubes and fun noodles galore to play with." Fun noodles? Anyway, swimwear is also encouraged. Just a warning, I'm very modest in my swimwear choices.

Starfucker Pool Party, this Saturday at 7pm (vacant lot on Belmont right between 34th and 35th)

But wait, there's more. Lost Gospel is planning another local music flashmob-esque show, this time with Glass Teeth and Almost Nearly in an abandoned train car! "Glass Teeth will lead us down the train tracks in song until we reach an abandoned train car where Almost Nearly will be waiting, ready to perform an acoustic set!" What they aren't telling you is that the second they get you in that train car--BAM!--they shut the door, the train takes off, and your are forced into a life of slave labor on the rails. But, honestly, that isn't so bad. Beats working as a barista.

Choo-Choo with Glass Teeth and Almost Nearly, this Sunday at 5pm, (meet at SE 17th and Ochoco, across the street from Goodwill Bins)

And if all these shows in pools and boxcars are a bit frightening, here is a video of the first Lost Gospel event, White Fang performing on a basketball court.

See? It's not so scary. Now get on your bathing suit and get into that goddamn train.