So, despite being total soccer dad pussies (and we're not even mentioning that documentary), Metallica's latest album Death Magnetic topped the billboard charts in its first week. Magnetic is Metallica's FIFTH to open at number one. This is (sadly) significant because 1.) it breaks a four-way tie with the Beatles, U2 and (ugh) Dave Matthews, and 2.) it again re-enforces Rick Rubin's ability to turn around broken bands.

Then I got to thinking--Rubin's been in the news a lot lately, especially for all the Johnny Cash and now Neil Diamond business. But there's no way everything he touches turns to gold--it just couldn't be. So I went for a look, and Jesus, there's a dumptruck full of stinking turds hiding beneath that beard. A short sampling:

2002: Audioslave - Audioslave
2005: Make Believe - Weezer
2005: Fijacion Oral Vol. 1 - Shakira
2005: Out of Exile - Audioslave
2006: Stadium Arcadium - Red Hot Chili Peppers
2007: Minutes to Midnight - Linkin Park
2008: Seeing Things - Jakob Dylan

So yeah, there you go. Not exactly King Midas after all. That said, dude is working on a new album with ZZ Top, and that does sound at least marginally interesting, if for no other reason than Billy Gibbons will be chicken strutting around the airwaves more than usual.