Perhaps it's a phenomenon limited to small-town coastal educational institutions, but at my high school there was this club called The Natural Helpers that everybody wanted to be in. Kids voted in their classmates based on which peers they found to be the most, every so vaguely, helpful. Then, those selected (including yours truly) were sanctimoniously inducted via exclusive overnight retreats and further illustrious training in (again, vague) helpfulness.

I mostly remember eating lots of Red Vines and watching cautionary videos about the spread of STDs, but I'm sure I picked up some of my invaluable social skills there as well. Now, I don't doubt that the program had good intentions, but it also had the unfortunate effect of making some of us feel like we were so much better than everybody else. This is an assertion that plagues my psyche to this day, despite ensuing years of demonstrated mediocrity.

To which I say: damn you elitist grooming group! And this is why I'm very interested in learning what kind of background Seattle band Unnatural Helpers have.

As teens, were they bitter rejects from the selective society I took part in? Or, is there a wholly separate organization that stands as the antithesis, the alien enemy even, of everything the NH stood for? I'm dying to know, and luckily can find out tonight when the band comes down to play at Slabtown.

Here's some of what I do know about the Helpers: the "Dutchess" half of Seattle sensations The Dutchess and the Duke puts in time in this band as well, and along with the local Pity Fucks they'll be playing in support of the touring Tyvek, a group doing really interesting stuff.

If the tale of my teenage plight for worthiness didn't convince you to check out the show, just give this song a listen, and surely the killer drumbeat and clanging guitar will.


Unnatural Helpers—Heavy Sugar

Song thanks to Dean from the band!