Everything as Fuck Jun 18, 2014 at 4:00 pm



Man, I'm never having Jamba Juice again! Solidarity, Ian!
Ian, if you were here and I actually knew you we'd go say some overly defensive misogynistic shit over a beer, then some guilty but patronizing shit over another, then some actually guilty but accepting shit over a third, rounded out with a shot and a bring-it-in-handshake/brohug.

Be good, man.
You have officially stuck "the first boost is the deepest" in my head, which is a hates you punch to my junk area because its to the melody of "The first cut is the deepest" by stupid Sheryl Crow. Knock it off Ian. (Also, great column this week.)
"A monster wearing special-edition Bass Pro Shops wraparound Oakley sunglasses"? No, wait! Randy is awesome! You just gotta get t' know 'im!
And "The Heart is Dumb as Fuck": an ill-fated Carson McCullers adaptation for the stage!

But; you nailed it this week. Good job.
The first "The First Cut is the Deepest" was Rod Stewart...and way better than the one ^^Allusion alluded to. THAT is the earworm Ian inspired for those of us old enough to know better.
Actually, per Wikipedia and my own infallible memory:
"The First Cut Is the Deepest" is a 1967 song written by Cat Stevens, originally released by P. P. Arnold in the spring of 1967. Stevens' own version originally appeared on his album New Masters in December 1967.
The song has been widely covered and has become a hit single for four different artists: P. P. Arnold (1967), Keith Hampshire (1973), Rod Stewart (1977) and Sheryl Crow (2003).
I'm just gonna sit here in this moment enjoying how no negative comments have come in yet.
I've got a special pie for you when you're home. She doesn't get any.
Yeah, you can't let yourself e-stalk your ex... best to "delete" them from your social networks. Otherwise you're just a pile of sad socks on a cold hardwood floor of depression. (Side note... you can't literally delete someone, not physically anyway... that's called murder and if you do that, you never really cared about them im the first place.) #lifelessons
It sounds like high school all over again for you when she dumped you. I actually feel sorry for you, which is really awkward.
Amber's nuts, you'll be fine.

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.

Add a comment

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.