Everything as Fuck May 27, 2015 at 4:20 pm

Burnside 26


Odd that you'd write a story without naming the subject. What are you worried about?
There is a place for people who think they are cool because of the apartment they rented. And that place is Seattle. Here, we are only allowed to be cool for our fashion, tattoos, music taste, artsy or pho-artsy non remunerative activities, bikes we build, urban farming/urban animal husbandry, etc. I'm not sure if one is better than the other, but I live here so I'm on team Portland.
Yeah, rich kids from Beaverton have no business telling anyone that their aesthetic is wrong for Portland.
I stopped reading @ I don't live in Portland anymore...
"Portland isn't Disneyland."

It's just as well that Portland isn't Disneyland. The actual Disneyland is basically a fascist statelet with sweaty animal costumes.
After reading the WW article and all of tdhurst's comments, I totally want to move to Burnside 26 now! Who wouldn't want a supremely cool dude like Tyler as their neighbor? Some people may think he comes off as an obnoxious, thin-skinned creep, but look at his profile picture above. Freaking GOGGLES, dude! LOL! Can you imagine an awesomer broseph in all of brodom? Don't bother trying, it ain't possible.

Besides, B26 gets fantastic ratings on yelp, google and apartmentratings.com, and all the management had to do was give the tenants gift cards to kiss their ass online! Those people aren't whores. Those people are SePo's sweetest buds to hang with. Hey TyHur, did you get something back from the management for your WW write-up? Sure hope you did, my man, so deserved!

My home is gonna be pretty rad. Sorry yours isn't worth the property owners hiring actors and a production crew to make a commercial that markets and brands the building as the place to be if you want your life to be just like the entire first season of New Girl.
What I wondered is why Burnside 26 has vacancies and had to spring for a fancy promo video to rent out space in our hot hot rental market.
WW is at this point pretty much the online blog for the douchiest brand of newcomers ("douchecomers?"). They spend their column inches trying desperately - and in vain - to appear as if they have a clue about what Portland is all about. (How many times has their web editor had to apologize for factual errors in his own such pronouncements?) And, golly, are they cool!! "I lived in a van!" "I love microbrews!" "Pourover coffee! You've probably never heard of it until now!" "Here's my favorite band!" etc.

I haven't read such useless self-congratulatory crap since it appeared in my college newspaper.
But, Ian, his wife bikes to work. AND HE HAS NEVER OWNED AN UMBRELLA.

One of us! One of us!

Side note: Where did this idea that Portlanders hate umbrellas come from? Rain jackets are kind of more practical, but it's not like we give a fuck about your umbrella unless you're obliviously wandering into people with it like a damn tourist - every resident of every city hates tourists wielding umbrellas. But that's about the obliviousness of tourists, not the umbrellas.
People in Portland are also so very entitled to their opinions and have an abundance of time to share them. I hear Burnside 26 is great, especially if you love transients and hate peace and quiet. I guess there's always my dads basement in Ohio...
I love Disneyland!
...uh everyone has a 'Portland' aka a hometown to fall back on. So whats your point?
I miss the hungry tiger..
Different corner, same sadness.
I moved to Portland 7 years ago knowing nothing about it as a city, and barely anything about Oregon. I followed my (now ex) husband here for his work. I knew as soon as I saw the gorge that I was never going back to the midwest. One divorce, one stint as a single 30-something, one MBA program, three jobs, and one new husband later...(exhale), I can say I've lived in this city as much as anyone can say it. It's what you make it and who you make it with. I'm not mad that I will have to move outside of Portland to be able to afford making babies. I'm not mad that my 'old' haunts are crowded or closed. I've enjoyed watching the city grow, voting my votes, and making friends. If you have time to fight the evil developers and also maintain your day to day existence, good! I'll sign your clipboard papers and honk for your version of peace...I won't judge your dwelling or your purpose here (at least not to your face or on the internet). I'm Portland's people whether the other people here want me or not...even when I move to Milwaukie. My little brats will be riding the MAX up into my city and wreaking havoc! Watch out.
Sounds like an angry white dude who can't accept life's changes or let go of the past. Life evolves. People evolve. Cities evolve. Evolve, adapt or feel left behind.
Some of us have lost our homes; not our favorite bar, restaurant, whatever, our HOMES. All to greedy developers who can't wait to tear down that turn of the century building to build another overly priced condo for d bags such as Tyler Hurst. It's not about keeping things the same, it's about dipshits lIke him coming here and rubbing it in our faces that people like him are destroying Portland one microbrew growler at a time. It's about people like him insinuating or out right claiming to be better or more educated than Portland natives. People such as Tyler Hurst, do not deserve to live in a place as nice as Portland.
"wis", that's the word you meant to coin. The word between was and is.
When you're being nostalgic for the way things are, it just wis what it wis.
As much as I despise Ian Karmel for being a sell-out and writing to Portlanders about Portland while living in Los Angeles, I love what he's saying here.

But, Ian, you have to let go. You've moved on and all these letters you write to us every week are becoming increasingly desperate and lonely. Please let us move on too. How can we miss you if you won't go away? Starting to seriously consider getting a restraining order against you.
I lived in Longview a total of 30 years before moving here in '99. I need no excuse.
I grew up in Portland. I ate souvlaki at Eat or Die after L7 and Snowbud concerts and made up silly games on the spaceship at X-ray. I got really drunk and ran around NW with Kurt C. and had shitty food at Quality Pie. I ate Kung Pao at Hung Far Low in Old Town and rode Burnside when it was a ramp to a wall under a bridge. What seems to be missing now is a sense of being ok with unpolished. I suppose every city gets "better" at being itself, but Portland seems like an uneasy, zit-faced teenager trying to fit in at a college party. Even the bohemian look of some is just designer Anthropology-esque. I now live on small acreage in Central Oregon where my wife and I can let our kids explore in a more natural setting. Growing up in Portland was fun and gritty, but its allure wore off for me. I sincerely hope that it is becoming just what it needs to be for the folks choosing to stay or move there. I still visit, but the stars out in the High Desert have my heart now.
@Jay: So your kids will have 4H instead of L7? Not a great trade in my book.
Albert for the win. Although it is likely that in fact living your life like the first season of that show might be literal hell. Great point about the googles though. I mean, how bad can the guy be ?
Showstopper: I was disappointed that Tyler changed his profile picture to something goggle-free after I made my comment. At least we're still treated to the sight of his impressively wispy ginger beard.

And of course, life at B26 is nothing like New Girl. After all, there's a black guy on that show.
@Todd...L7 could be the main attraction at 4H nowadays.
Finally! Somebody gets it! It's about cultural relevancy, not entire neighborhoods of displaced working-class people, non-stop development/rising rents, and rampant anti-consumer consumerism.

Thank you for opening my eyes; I must have been too poor to see what has ACTUALLY been happening here since 2000. Portland is so rad.
No, Las Vegas is Disneyland and Portland is right behind it. It's basically turning into the Forum Shops at Caesars Palace minus the roof. Portland WAS old Milwaukee, NOW it's fucking Disneyland!
As someone who's lived in Kerns for 10+ years and seen tons of new construction within 10 blocks of my house – especially in the last four years – I have to say I don't have a major problem with new apartment buildings, in theory. Living in smaller spaces is much better for the environment and ideally results in less materialism (since you've got less space to hoard your stuff). And we like those qualities in Portland, right?

What I DO have a problem with is when these new buildings:

1.) are ugly, generic, and don't fit the character of the neighborhood;

2.) don't have parking spaces for all residents, because realistically many people who bike or walk or transit a lot still own a car, and otherwise they'll be parking on the streets, making it harder for other residents and people who want to visit local businesses;

and/or 3.) they're overpriced, which not only makes them unaffordable for average working people but also artificially increases the rent for older places in the neighborhood.

Burnside 26 fails #1 and #3; other buildings fail #2 and #3. The new building on NE Couch & 20th gets the trifecta, and it's not alone.

I think when we talk about why new construction sucks, it's good to specify why. Sometimes it actually is the people living in them – but sometimes the new residents are just regular people who are paying too much in rent and maybe can't save money for a lot of other things they'd like. Seriously, if there were some new decent-looking, truly affordable complexes with parking around Portland, that'd be great. But who will build them?
I blame Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein.

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