Extras May 8, 2013 at 4:00 am

Lies to Tell


Outstanding. Ian you are killing. Allow me:
" I hear Portland has an incredible bike culture?'
It sure does! we were voted #4 in the United States (note; Portland Maine)
" Is it true Pot is legal here?'
That depends, how much do you want?
"Is Powell's all that great?"
Yes, just buy a pass from one of those people milling about in front...Oh wait, that's the MAX, never mind.
"What's all this about kambucha?"
You should try it, and as a comparison tell me how my azz taste
Showstopper- thanks for confirming that Devildogs aren't funny. Now please change your avatar back to a shot of your sweet guns, if only so Browner has something to look at while he jacks off his dog.
Ian- Great column!

Recycling. Is it true y'all recycle EVERYTHING?

Ian I will let you answer that fool but remember what we do to those who do not recycle their soiled tissue paper. Its more than peer pressure and its like a giant mcgruff the crime dog visits your house but hes from the Sewer Department and he is wearing a Turd Suit and he cries like the indian on the freeway in the 70's when littering was still cool.....
Is it true that all people in Portland do is talk about being from Portland and what that means. Yes.

Is it true that people in Portland are defined by being in Portland to the point that they loose their own identities and turn into angry dullards. Yes.

Are all the cashiers at Whole foods bag nazi assholes who seem to be relentlessly invested in over-stuffing your bags and never double bagging anything? Yes, people at Whole Foods really are self obsessed assholes who will stop at nothing to crush your overpriced groceries. You should take every opportunity you get to fuck with them.
@ill Paxton.

You mad bro?
I am so glad I moved out of Portland-
Are you kidding me? Thousands if not billions of people comes here to tour. Well to tour Powells, Voodoo, and the malls of course.
ill paxton, done but no thanks for the visual. And Marines are funny damn it, just not me :(. I'm not very good at this.
"You've never seen a more open, empathetic game of basketball."
Love this. Especially the basketball stuff and the alternative papers . . . And hey, I hear you're doing a short set at the Brody Theater Saturday night! See you there!
"Don't want to see none of your 'whole foods' and shit
I see you, motherfucker. Let me get some of that kambuchi drink, bitch!"
I like how people come here to talk shit about Portland like someone reading a column called "Portland as Fuck" is gonna scroll down to the comments and be like "OH, WAIT A MINUTE, THIS COMPLETE STRANGER IS RIGHT. FUCK THIS PLACE"

I miss Portland =/

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