Extras May 29, 2013 at 4:00 am



You're a card!
I love greeting cards and if I knew where you lived I'd send you a $9 greeting card AND bill you for it! Guess that'll show you!
holla amigo, i get green card for you?
I just take greeting cards other people send me and use a post it note to write my message to the next person. This is portland, reuse people.
Man! I had this same problem the other day. Target's Mother's Day cards have the highest mark-up I've ever seen, and I will not stand for it! I know for a fact that moms don't give a shit about cards as long as you say "I love you" and "Thanks for getting Nickelodeon" and maybe draw a flower on the front of a scrap piece of printer paper.
We all know they are bullshit yet we flock to the greeting card isle on (insert holiday/occasion here) and buy one, sign it and hand it over like we are a hero. In reality most times we rather not bother with it.

I actually had this conversation with my wife last year; and we stopped buying each other cards. Sure I will get her flowers here and there (occasion or not) but forgo the card. They ALL wind up in the recycle bin anyways.

Now if only I can convince my Mom...
My grandparents always guilt-tripped me and especially my younger brother for not sending greeting cards. It always made me feel bad because they did give us substantial sums of money, but every time I walk near the greeting card section my brain shuts down every organ in my body that isn't 100% vital to my being.

Fuck greeting cards. My greatest hope for the future is that as young people get older we all collectively say "fuck you" to the stupid wastes of paper and instead text like human beings.
Greeting cards? This is funny. Jerry seinfeld kills!
Not liking greeting cards isn't Portland as Fuck, though. We love greeting cards. We're all about art that a fifth grader can do. Especially now with the art tax
My life would be easier if the apology section in the greeting card aisle was extended to include "I'm sorry I don't like Mad Men, but hopefully we can still sleep together" and "My biggest apologies for hating your vegan muffins and absolutely loving dairy".
Aren't greeting cards 99 cents at Trader Joe's? Trouble is you can only send them to people who don't know that Trader Joe's sells greeting cards for 99 cents, or you seem like a cheap-ass punk.
You know what's Portland As Fuck? Come to the IPRC and letterpress your own fucking greeting cards. THAT'S Portland As fuck.

Please wait...

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