Extras Jun 5, 2013 at 4:00 am



And if you ride that long 82nd bus ride you get the smell of humanity too.

I made this rap about Tri Met. Its fun and ignorant and obnoxious.
RIP bonkers, we hardly knew ye.
Oh the joys of TriMet... the homeless guy jerking off in his sweat pants huddled in a corner before and during the bus ride. Oh the smell of the person that pissed themselves in the seat 2 rows up; lifting your feet on a hill so it doesn't get on your shoes. The smell of patchouli oil on the hippy trying to cover that mix of BO and weed.... sigh. Yes! The obnoxious guy trying to hit on the very visible lesbian so he can convert her back to the light side; dude your a ill equipped to satisfy her. I have seen new places to get pierced while riding TriMet... but a few Tatoo's are fine with me thanks.

Yeah, I don't miss TriMet so much. I loved the people watching aspect of it and will occasionally take a ride on MAX just for kicks. It is a great way to connect to humanity in a weird way.
Lloyd Center is also pretty awesome for hanging with all sorts. Whenever middle-aged liberals whine about how white and boring Portland is, I tell 'em to ride the bus to Lloyd Center.

I don't think they follow my advice, though.
To all of you long-haired ladies: Perhaps you should wear it up when riding public transport...

from a recent police report:

The Portland Police Bureau wants to make people aware that the following news release contains some graphic descriptions of a criminal act connected to the investigation and arrest of 26-year-old Jared Weston Walter:

On Monday May 13, 2013, Officers assigned to the Transit Police Division responded to the Downtown transit mall on a report of a male that had ejaculated on the back of a female victim's head. The suspect fled the bus prior to police arrival.

Officers took witness and victim statements and recovered DNA evidence at the scene. Further investigation revealed similar incidents involving the same suspect that occurred in the previous three weeks, one in Portland and one in Clackamas County.

At the time of those first two reports, the victims were unsure as to what had transpired, and the seriousness of the offense was not understood.

Eyewitness accounts as well as TriMet surveillance video allowed police to identify the suspect as 26-year-old Jared Weston Walter. The suspect was familiar to the Transit Police, because they had arrested him in 2009 for repeatedly applying superglue into women's hair and cutting women's hair while riding on TriMet buses. It was determined that Walter had recently been paroled from prison, and is on Post Prison Supervision out of Clackamas County.

Walter's preferred offending pattern is to sit or stand behind a female victim on a TriMet bus and fondle their hair while he masturbates. Walter was known to frequent the bus lines between Downtown Portland and Milwaukie / Oregon City, including lines 31, 33 and 99.
^^The same guy? Wtf?
Why are you avoiding watching 'Breaking Bad?' C'MONNN!
It's also good if you want a 20-minute nap on the way into work instead of driving. Headphones recommended there.
I was riding the bus a couple weeks ago in the middle of the night, and some lady boarded with a dark look in her eyes and a hub-cap she had presumably found on the street. She sat across from me and started complaining about the lights being too bright on the bus (a sure sign of hard-core drug usage) and that she wanted to sit in the back of the bus so she could see everything going on. Her horrible energy made me feel as though she might try to slice my neck open with that hubcap. Just an example of the grotesquely awesome-ness of riding public transit.

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