FIVE ONE-YEAR MEMBERSHIPS TO BACKSPACE
Backspace (115 NW 5th) might be the coolest place in the world—what with its rotating art shows, Stumptown Coffee, interconnected PCs for videogamin’, and even one of those elusive Xbox 360s! And now you and four of your friends can be full-fledged Backspace members for a whole year, which’ll get each of you all sorts of rad stuff: an entire day of free gaming, a $10 credit to use toward hourly PC/360 gaming, pricing discounts for playing games throughout the year, and a free email address at backspace.bz! In short, you’ll be at the coolest place in the world playing the coolest games with your coolest friends, and… and… what? Like you need more? Bid already!
WINTER SPORTS PACKAGE
The cold weather months don’t necessarily mean hibernation. And why should they, when there are basketball games to see and snowy mountains to board? Check out this package: two tickets to the Trail Blazers’ December 28 game against Philadelphia, a suhweeet Pabst Blue Ribbon snowboard (with matching beanie), and a bobblehead doll in the likeness of hotshit Blazer coach Nate McMillan.
HOUSE PARTY GIFT PACK
Ladies and gents, we present the fixings of the BEST HOUSE PARTY EVER. We got $60 at “smoking accessories” shop Hot Box (12620 SW Farmington, Beaverton), six righteous music posters to plaster on your drab-ass walls (featuring such hot groups as Death Cab for Cutie, Modest Mouse and more, courtesy of House of Blues), the uber-hip DJ Teenage at your home spinning WHATEVER YOU WANT, and 50 bones in deeeelish tropical-style chow from Salvador Molly’s (2236 SE Belmont). (That makes for a TON of sweet appetizers.) Move over Kid ‘N Play—your parties always sucked, anyway.
MERCURY EMPLOYEE JOB SWAP
Ever wanted to experience a day in the life of an employee at the Portland Mercury? No? Well, wouldn’t you rather do that than your own stupid job? We thought so. That’s why we’re offering up a chance to swap jobs with any of the Mercury’s staff members—you’ll have the entire paper in the palm of your hands while we’re bussing your tables or processing your purchase orders! [Editor’s Note: The Mercury is not responsible for any risk to your employment brought on by the general incompetence of our employees.]
Hey bookworms—load up your already sagging shelves with a few dozen new titles. Top Shelf (www.topshelfcomix.com) has donated some awesome graphic novels by Alex Robinson and Scott Morse, while Title Wave Used Bookstore (216 NE Knott) contributed a slew of materials, from titles by Michael Moore to photography coffee-table books to Van Halen LPs to Lord of the Rings DVDs. Rounding everything out is a grab bag from Dark Horse Comics (www.darkhorsecomics.com), that includes two wicked Star Wars graphic novels (each come with an exclusive mini-bust), figurines from the movie Mirrormask, a Darkwerks journal, and a Hellboy Ouija board!
SAM ADAMS MOWS YOUR LAWN
Finally, city government works for you. Handsome City Commissioner Sam Adams will provide a one-time full lawn service, mowing and trimming your grass (weather permitting), with the same attention to detail he uses to make sure the sewers don’t back up into your living room. No seriously, he’s good at mowing lawns!
PHOTO-LOVER GIFT PACK
With 10 hours of darkroom time at Newspace Center for Photography’s (1632 SE 10th) excellent darkrooms, you have the time and space to develop dozens of rolls of film or black-and-white prints. That’s enough for your own solo show or Christmas gifts for everyone on your list! Also: The Mercury’s own Chas Bowie, a true photo geek, will take your band photos, family portraits, or (if you insist) nekkid lady pics! It’s a one-hour photo shoot with print-ready images delivered on a disc.
“CLEAN UP YOUR ACT” GIFT PACK
Rinse off your karma, spit shine your personality flaws, and step into the New Year as a new you! This package includes two naturopathic evaluation and acupuncture sessions with Dr. Gregory Eckel of the Nature Cures Clinic (1020 SW Taylor, #330), AND four 45-minute sessions with life coach Carl Casanova (a $1,200 value!), who will motivate you to reach your personal or professional goals. Finally, the Mercury’s own Wm. Steven Humphrey will vouch for the new and improved you—on a resume, in court, or even with that hottie you wanna ask out. All together, this packages spells sure success.
"LET'S GET ACCESSORIZED" GIFT PACK
No outfit is complete without accessories! Start with Visage Eyewear (1046 NW Johnson), where the lucky recipient of this pack will receive not only a free eye exam, but also a $300 gift certificate! It also includes a pair of geometrical, dangly earrings from Denwave (formerly known as Fix, 811 E Burnside), designed by Hazel Cox. The pack also includes your choice of a shoulder bag by SNAP design (start picking yours out at www.snapcatalog.com), and finish it off with a perfect wax job of up to $65 at the brand new Wax On Salon (734 E Burnside)!
SCOTT MOORE WRITES YOUR TERM PAPER
Face it: You aren’t smart or pretty enough to make it through college on your own. Luckily, you are unscrupulous enough to let Mercury Co-News Editor Scott Moore “help you out.” Just this once, he’ll write a term paper for you (15-page limit, and no dissertations!) in the subject of your choosing (but nothing tedious like math or physics). No grade guarantees, but anything is better than having to do your own work.
DRAG KING FUN PACKAGE
Yowsa, this is one hot package! Four of Portland’s sexiest DK PDX drag kings will treat you to a night on the town, starting with a $50 shopping spree at Dig(13844 SE McLoughlin). There, the DK PDXers will find the perfect drag getup and “fashion you into the drag star of your dreams… king, queen, or anything in between.” Then it’s off to the New Old Lompoc (1612 NW 23rd), to drink $40 worth of brew as your new badass drag self. Finally, head to Holocene (1001 SE Morrison) to cap off the night with more drinks, dancing, and debauchery. Sexy!