Portland as Fuck

Kombucha

Comments

1
Yes, did it again. Dependably the most kickass-iest of all columns!
2
Thank you!
3
FUCK WHOLE FOODS.
4
Haha. This was awesome! I really wasn't done complaining about your last column, though - how do I get back there? :)
5
The Niagra Grape Kombucha Wonder Drink sort of reminds me of fermented Grape Fanta. Try it!
6
The kombucha that you drank only approximates the real shit. It's like eating kimchi in the local Korean restaurant compared to eating the authentic, buried-in-the-ground-for-6-months, still fermenting when you eat it, nastiness that you get IN Korea. (As an aside, I vomited right there in the restaurant when I ate it!) No, Ian, your first thoughts were closer to the real taste of 'authentic' kombucha. Wait until July or August, take an empty bottle to the bottle-return machine, fill it up and enjoy the real kombucha. The real shit is NASTY! I have a whole list of nasty shit you can eat....durian, stinky tofu, real fish sauce (made from anchovy fish guts), balut (a fertilized duck egg with a visible baby duck inside that's hard-boiled), etc.
7
I WILL NEVER EAT DURIAN.
8
The Kombucha at the Townshend's Tea Houses is even better since it's on tap and you don't have to deal with the possibility of drinking the gross fungus balls like in the bottles.


Have you tried Kava? I suggest that - it tastes like what I thought Kombucha would taste like, at least until your tongue goes numb.
9
I haven't tried Kava, but I'm open to nearly all beverages now.
10
Old Gold does kombucha right (i.e. they add a splash of it to cocktails).
11
Kava tastes like mild, dirty water. It's supposed to intoxicate you, according to all those bars in Fiji that specialize in it. I felt nothing. Kratom is a different story. It tastes like shit, but will definitely fuck you up. You can buy it in many head shops around Portland. Have fun.
12
Ian - we're glad you overcame your past experience and tried our kombucha. Thanks for including us in your study, and for the funny and (more or less) kind review. Having enjoyed your comedy, I was happy to see us in your column.

Re: outdoor festivals...see you at Pickathon?

Jake @ Townshend's
13
@Jake - You were the first one I tried, you can claim you took my Kombucha virginity. Lets get together and listen to some Alicia Keys.
14
Amusing.
No. actually, that was really funny.
15
Damn, Ian, I was hoping you'd tell Townshend's that they popped your kombucherry.
16
"You were the first one I tried." Haha. Creepy.

We'll keep claim in our back pocket for just the right moment.
17
@Stewie: Balut isn't hard boiled. It's buried underground for a period with hot charcoal placed on top. They cook slowly underground. And if you actually threw up after tasting kimchi there is something seriously wrong with you and your face/mouth.
18
Oh fuck. I have to start drinking Kombucha now? Will I have to bring it to the next Portland As Fuck Fan Club Potluck? Damn you, Ian, why couldn't you stay at Voodoo Donuts!!
19
Don't worry, I will soon write another column about sandwiches.
20
Is there some bizarre badge of honor to eating things that taste like ass? I mean it is not as if I have not tried some unusual things but only when it seemed appropriate