Portland as Fuck

Pipes

Comments

1
I really dig this thought. I am plain. I do not stick out because I don't want to be judged. Because I judge. I also don't seek attention and kind of resent those that do. Why? Because I just WANT attention. I don't want to work for it. Thanks for turning the mirror on us. So does this mean I should just smoke that fucking pipe, or what??? I'll pack it full of overthink and try to just be.
2
I want many people to read every shitty little comment I type here. But fuck no I dont want them to see me!
3
Your rant shows a great deal of yourself. First that you are the one academically challenged in this argument. But that's a thought for another day.

I found this post, not because I was looking for some fat thirty-something semi-humorous anecdote about a city that, if it smells like anything, it aint roses, but because I am a pipe smoker, and a pipe collector. While the prose posted above did raise a corner of my mouth a couple of times as if I were headed for a real snicker, it did more to raise the corner of my mouth for the approaching vomit.

First of all, in apparent opposition to your line of thinking, foul language is not necessary to be hip, cool, 'reliant', avant-garde, or 'edgy'. Typically this is best achieved by showing a level intellect that purports a specific knowledge base that intrigues people without making them feel inferior. It's a tough line to walk, but those who do it successfully well admired by those on all levels of education. It's uplifting. Coincidentally, the hippy left-wing liberals that seem to permeate the "social media" of the once economically and culturally thriving metropolises cities like Detroit, Portland and Seattle, seem to use this tactic. Tragically, their performance ends up being less than stellar as they have forgotten something; you have to make sure you actually HAVE that intellect before you try to use it - which might explain why that method is not used here.

Assuming your comment of spending "more time complaining about white people who dress like rappers than about white people who kill black people for dressing like rappers", one can only assume refers to the justified shooting of 17 year old Travon Martin. Sadly, your comments (one can only assume meant to be divisive) only serve to show a lack of a legal understanding of the case as based on testified and applied evidence. That set aside, what of Travon Martin were smoking a pipe at the time? We know he had one in his backpack at school just ten days earlier - as he was suspended for having a marijuana laced pipe and for having marijuana residue in his backpack as well. This was not his first arrest for such a violation (yes, the schools are so bad there that the Metro-Dade County School district has its own police force), as he was currently under investigation for being a drug "dealer" in the community. I'm surprised you're still not talking about Rodney King for goodness sake - oh yea, he's dead from an overdose.... With that response to your ignorant attempt at humor, I digress.

Pipe smoking does carry with it a connotation or air of sophistication. Your self-admission to this fact does not come irrationally. The perceived sophistication that we both appear to see in tobacco pipe smoking was earned, not thrust upon an unsuspecting world of idiot sheep-like consumers as if it were a Brooke Shields Calvin Klein commercial. And rightfully so. Smoking a pipe gives off this vibe of academia or sophistication because the academic and sophisticated people have practiced this. For centuries. While pipe smoking can be done at any level of economic participation, artisan pipes made by carvers around the world bring prices that regularly exceed $350 each, and up into the thousands of dollars. Rare and blended tobaccos are also treasured and can also be very expensive. But you can also by a used Estate pipe for under $20.00 and get a pouch of Captain Black at the 7-11 for $5.00. In the world of pipe smoking, there is a perceived sophistication, but unlike your judgmental encounter with the pipe smoking, bike riding Portander, all are welcome in our world.

It was once famously said that, "smoking a pipe gives a wise man time to ponder, and a fool something to put in his mouth." My recommendation for you: Take up pipe smoking, and stop typing.
4
Tom Spitinhaler, like a skunk, pipe smoking looks cool from a distance and becomes detestable if you get too close.

Sure you dont get it because you are swimming around in a pool of that toxic funk with senses so benumbed you cant smell anything any at all let alone the sophisticated subtlety of one brand of leaf versus another.

Did you know that pipe smoking became popular as a system of last resort to maintain breathing in areas with high concentrations of rotting bodies during the plagues in europe?

Thankfully at this time we dont have massive putrations of stink so clotting our airways that we need to layer it with a carcinogenic fog. Try breathing the air my friend, It's actually much sweeter than that carbon toast you are sucking in.

Hay maybe you really are just trying to look cool (as Karmel) is saying. If thats the case you look pathetic and i cant help you.
5
Haha I truly don't understand why people hear show such a disdain for pipe tobacco. I smoke pipe tobacco and I don't do it to attempt to appear cooler, hipper, or more old-fashioned; I simply do it because I enjoy it.
You people really do seem to be ignorant because none of you have seemingly tried pipe smoking and you don't understand the hobby.
"Sure you dont get it because you are swimming around in a pool of that toxic funk with senses so benumbed you cant smell anything any at all let alone the sophisticated subtlety of one brand of leaf versus another," that's for one a poorly placed insult and also it's very easy to tell the difference between a strong english blend and a Cherry aromatic blend for example.
6
George Carlin was right- it's stupid to walk around with an old-timey controlled fire sticking out of your mouth
7
I love the smell of pipe tobacco, it reminds me of my uncle navigating an aluminum boat with an outboard motor on the great lakes. Unique odors can bring you back in time for better or worse. So i guess i could see myself getting irritated by some newby treading on my sentimental association.

I think this column should keep going in this paper under "LA as Fuck". Hey why not?
8
Hey! I like skunks. They have punk rock hairdos and they smell like weed.
9
Dear faceless Imrightyourwrong - Might I suggest, like I do to most mainstream reporters, that you actually do some serious research before you post opinion as dogma. I tire of making so many corrections...

The idea of pipe smoking becoming "popular" to cover the scent of rotting corpses during the plague years is about as factually based as the information supporting the Flat-World Society. Pipe smoking in general has been done for millennia, long before those terrible times in Europe. I'll spare you the list of facts, and allow you to use your own intellect to find the truth - if you so desire.

I also wish to thank you for exposing the depth of your ignorance regarding smoking pipes and pipe tobacco. Unlike cigarrettes, most cigars, and your mary-jane smoking buddies (including former president Clinton), pipe tobacco is not inhaled. It is smoked solely for flavor and for aroma. It is simply drawn into the mouth and expelled. It is no more harmful to you or anyone else in the room than sitting inside a incense filled room at one of your satanic seances trying to summon the spirit of Lenin, Stalin, Pol-Pot or some other dead communist, or sitting for an evening beside a romantic campfire.

You do make a great point however - the trained olfactory palette can detect even the most subtle differences in tobacco blends. Tobaccos from Virginia, Kentucky, the Balkans, the Orient, all have specific 'notes' to them that can be identified, and when mixed in recipes that date back centuries, or making one's own, it is every bit as enriching and exciting as a popular and socially accepted wine tasting tour - except for the fact that pipe smokers do not get drunk and kill 30,000 people a year in the highways typically...

I'll agree that pipe smoking is not for everyone, and some people have a 'nose' for it and some do not. I'll do this however- if you so chose, I'll send you a pipe and a tin of fine tobacco for you to try - on me. All you have to do is ask. If you like it, keep it, if you do not, I'll send a call tag for you to return it.
10
Major Tom that is a lot of words just to say you smoke a pipe because you like it, not to look cool. And no i dont want you to send me any. Thanks but i think i know what im missing. Sides, my breath smells bad enough from coffee half the time i dont need another pollutant in there.
As for the dead bodies yeah i made that up but its a cool "what if" huh?

But you seem to be missing the most troubling point: smoking your pipe makes Karmel feel uncomfortable.
How would you address that problem?
11
Fact: 97% of the people that take up smoking a pipe is because they want to be a dude smoking a pipe. Roughly half of these people have at some point owned a stupid hat too.

Kudos to Ian for making it through that entire article and not dropping a "put that in your pipe and smoke it".
12
Since I take pictures of a lot of dumb shit I got this shot of a pipe smoker in front of Powell's a couple years ago: http://www.flickr.com/photos/toddmecklem/6…
13
Way to misappropriate this comments section to pimp yourself Todd Mecklem. How very mercenary of you.

Now where can i order a copy of that hilarious dont let your dogs poop all over sign?
14
I thought pimps were supposed to make money. I guess I'm doing this wrong.
15
wow i wasted half a work day on your pics. And theres more. Thanks :-(
16
It's what I do.
17
That guy with the curly dark hair looks hilarious! Why is his hair so high?
I hope you asked him why.
18
I like to imagine that he's really quite small and that that look on his face is because he's enveloped in smoke.

Yeah...good times.
19
When Ian leaves, Todd's flickr account could immediately replace it as the next Portland as Fuck. I particularly liked this one:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/toddmecklem/6…
20
i second that. I'm still looking for the pic with Todd and Bill Bixby in Incredible Hulk mode.
21
STOP BEING JUDGMENTAL ASSHOLES! That's what this column is about -- the pipe is just an illustrative device! Don't they teach reading comprehension in school anymore!?
You're being judgmental assholes in the comments of the column about why you should stop being judgmental assholes!
Ohhhh, internet.