Hey noobs! So you decided to move to the land of fruit and honey? You thought rents would be cheaper, there wouldn’t be as much traffic, and parking would be a breeze? Well, you got punked, son! But now that you’re here, you prolly want to fit in and dress like a real Portlander. It’s not that hard, as long as you follow a few simple rules: First and foremost, leather jackets—in any kind of weather, day or night—are a must. Furry coats for winter are a ladies trend that ain’t goin’ nowhere. Party shirts for spring and summer will certainly turn some heads, fellas. Cheetah print isn’t just for those trying to do their best Peg Bundy impersonation. Jumpsuits are still a thing, and you’ll for sure look hot if you choose to wear one. And lastly, when in doubt, put a fun quip on the back of your jacket and you’ll for sure look like an OG.
Good luck out there. If you moved here because you like Elliott Smith and My Own Private Idaho you’re going to be bummed—so go home. However if you moved here because Fred and Carrie made it look quirky, then you’re going to be fine—but go home anyway.
xo Portland’s Pretty