The Different Kinds of People that There Are

A Complete List


this is the best article ever written for the Mercury and rivals only Jonathan Lethem essays...maybe it's better because I'm sure Lindy West got little-to-no money for it ,which, in contrast to Lethem's hefty compensation makes this article have more soul points. Jimmy Stewart--yeti hand--really??? I hope you're working on your novel West because I want to buy it. (not being sarcastic/ 100% serious/ wow)
fuck yes. that is all.
i agree with that bovine fella. this is the best article i've ever seen in the merc. ever. i couldnt agree more about people claiming to be scared of clowns. stop it already. find something legitimate to be scared of. like ebola.
My I suggest People Who Don't Not Smoke? Some people are non-smokers but they don't not smoke. They just are. Other people don't smoke and believe (erroneously) that it gives them moral superiority. These people are rubbish. I salute People Who Don't Not Smoke.
The Enchanted Forest article, and now this. You guys are starting to get somewhere. You fat idiot.
Haven't I read this before? Like, about six months or a year ago? And wasn't it in this paper? Am I in an episode of Star Trek where the transporter malfunctions and sends me to an alternate universe where some hot evil chick tries to seduce me?
Can you hook me up with some of those crypto-hookers? I have a few bucks to spare and I'd like to do my part.
The problem with Recession Hookers is that they think their stuff is worth 10x what it really is. Like people trying to sell "vintage" furniture on Craigslist.
OMG...thanks for the laughs. This shit is exactly how I feel...those fucking pigeons...uggghhh.
um, isn't this a reprint from last year?
Repost from The Stranger! CHEAP!!!
hahahhaaha that was awesome thank you so much.
This,..... is hilarious. I am currently building the throne for this woman. Down here, people just call homeless people,... "homeless people"... or "dirtbag"...
I think that goes into the catagory of "People who thrive off of other people's misery to make their own miserable selves feel better" but I could be wrong.
Awaiting correction...
Old cover article is old cover article:…
Thanks for the laughs. Friday has started off wonderfully!
Thanks for the laughs. This is a great start to my friday
This article is full of lulz.

One time I saw a venn diagram and in one circle it had "People who are Bill Pullman" and in the other circle it said "People who are not Bill Pullman" and then in the middle in both circles it said "Bill Paxton."
this is the most wonderful thing that i have read in the whole entire world today. this week even.
I love you. I think you're pretty, smart, funny and that outfit looks really cute on you.
maybe it's missing the point (and not that it doesn't deserve more readers for its thoughtful hilariity), but wasn't this published in the Stranger this spring?…
Who cares if it's a reprint? It needs to be spread far and wide.
Damn, I didn't thinkI was going to make the list, but there I am. I am a Wizard.
this is stupid. bill paxton thing...not funny.
Yes, God Damnit, This is a fucking win.
What does belief in God and antibiotics have to do with the other? You'd be funnier if you made sense.
P.S. The sasquatch bit is very funny!
Lindy, this article is garbage. Nothing more than a long I, Anonymous rant. Using the word 'hobo' makes you sound like an uneducated idiot. Do you call all asians 'Chinese' too? Japan's population has one of the highest life expectancies, but China's is actually lower than the United States!
Who are the hot people on the paper cover?
I love it. I love every bit of it. I could feel the anger being communicated rising inside me as I read it. This is going on my wall.
I am ripping off Dr. Syringey O'Medicine, M.D. and inserting it into as many conversations as possible. Best. Article. Ever.
This is super sassy.
Amusing article but factually wrong. Unemployment is higher than 7%... try more like 14-16% or more. The government numbers do NOT count "disenfranchised", the people who have given up, those unable to claim Unemployment, the teen workers who might've had a job otherwise, the women who gave up and stay home with their kids because they can no long afford daycare, those less competitive, etc. I know because I am one of them: college educated, intelligent, decent resume -- but laid off since January and can't even get an interview. In some parts of the country, actual unemployment is over 20%. The rest of your piece would be more amusing if it didn't make fun of this tragedy.
wow, brilliant goddamn wow, in my face and in the faces of faces..Lindy West, knock me up.. i want your babies. Best article i've read in a long time.
Not everyone who believes in God are southern baptist assholes. I liked the article, but that insult was not necessary.
Great, but I disagree with the TV on, I know you're not trying to have a debate to anything but I feel compelled to make a serious note.

You should check out Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television by Jerry Mander or the TED talk "Dan Ariely asks, Are we in control of our own decisions?"

The fact is TV is not a function of culture but the creator of it, and that culture is one of exploitation and brutality, fully half of the annoying shit you make fun of on here is a result of TV.

TV provides context control and defaulting standards which in turn shape what you think of as your own decision making power.

I'm not saying don't watch shows, I'm saying don't watch shows with commercials, or just passivity let the TV run in the background.

While shows themselves are often manipulative in and of themselves they at least have an indirect agenda, not one that is openly exploitive and deceptive.

The idea that you can "just ignore" the commercials is dangerous ignorance. :/

Awesome List!
Nice article, I love it! "God didn't go to dental school" - QFT!
I love this article so hard. Except the afraid of clowns part. I happen to be scared shitless of clowns. So scared that I once tried to jump out of a 3rd story window to get away from one. My boyfriend grabbed me by the pants and pulled me back into the room. I was pissed at him for days.
Lindy West:

Thank you for existing. You're amazing. :D


I couldn't agree more, I've been ranting about that for like 6 months ever since I started reading comments on this anti smoking group on facebook and was just hit by the ridiculous Moral High Ground so many people chose to take. Also I was quite shocked by some of the insults and gross generalizations thrown at smokers by these people: smokers are less intelligent, smokers are all poor, smokers are all more likely to be criminals. The mindset behind this makes absolutely no logical sense. Glad someone else has noticed. :D
What a great article. Onion level writing! I want to buy her a drink and give her a hug.
Reminds me of classic National Lampoon writing from early '70s.
Word Lindy.
But you forgot to mention "people who hate GOD". They ride fixies, drink mocha-choca-latta's, worry about their footprint while wearing $200 kicks and pray to the NASDAQ for a better world. Right after they protest hate, scream about love, spit on someone who might disagree with them and make extremely casual and offensive jokes about people who do believe that GOD exists. They're fun sometimes, as long as you only talk about and do things they think are cool.
I love you.

Also, "People who pick up their dog's poo in little baggies and then carry them the half block to the nearest trash can." I like those people.
it kind of sucks. everyone writes things they are not in love with, so maybe next time. how about: people who think they are ironic and try to write chic, pop culture pieces, but are actually less interesting than the people who are only funny when theyre drunk... when theyre sober.
That is friggin' hysterical.
Genius. Absolute genius.
People who don't understand that Evolution is the unfolding of Gods laws in human time perspective.
If I were one of those "People who use the acronym LOL" (yuck), I would have said that I did...because it's true, I did...repeatedly.
Oh goodie you touched on almost all the hot leftcentric wing catch-topics of the moment-well fuck gay marriage,fuck kanye west,fuck serena williams,fuck macintosh computers,fuck starbucks,fuck all people who have trendy little over gelled,sticking up in a stupid looking pointy pile haircuts and black horn rim glasses,fuck your 'novel'...Oh Yeah, smug skinny jean wearing,hipster assholes,fuck YOU
This shizz is sooo funny! I miss you Portland!
You are my hero.
Your reference under "People who miss the point" should be a "see", not a "see also." This is the only thing on Earth I know about.

Otherwise, hah! Loved it.
you forgot "People who waste their time writing extremely stupid blog posts"
yea stop being fat.
Article-whatever.If you find that brilliant, you probably need further mental and emotional development. @Travesty and Bam Bam-win, win
I'm so happy that you used (or invented) the term 'space desert' Because there are at least 2 other movies that have space deserts. Its not really a desert, there's no cactus or lizards depicted, and it sure looks kinda outer spacey in a deserty kinda way. Now I have a proper term for it! Kudos.
there are people who are good at portland bingo and there are those who aren't…
You forgot People Who Were Really Animals - that witch-transformation thing goes both ways, y'know. There's a reason why they're called "loan sharks," for example.
This is actually the best thing I have ever read!! :)
I just found this on stumble, and I've gotta say this is the laziest crap ever. Way to clog up the internet with a half baked article that has no discernible premise and an Andy Rooney-esque flair for whining about those things everyone hates. In the future, take more than 5 minutes to look at your blank screen and come up with something just an iota more creative than "HURR DURR HERE'S A LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS THAT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE!".
not funny....even the clown thing is sadly derivative. goofy =/= clever. sorry.
Not watching TV. "Symbolically not doing something for the sake of not doing it is almost never evidence of sophistication."

There's nothing 'symbolic' about it, I just don't watch tv (and I don't make a big deal out of telling people that I don't watch tv) because there is absolutely nothing interesting to watch. I couldn't give a sh*t less about American Idol (Americans Idle) or Dancing with the Stars.

No, I don't have cable. If I *did* I'm sure there would be a few things I'd end up watching, but none of that detracts from the point that there is absolutely no reason to watch tv, it's full of garbage and wastes away THOUSANDS of hours of your life. (This does not preclude my watching the Phillies or the Eagles.) Television is the original WMD: Weapon of Mass Distraction.

As I continually tell my mother, "not only do those people not give two sh*ts about you, they *don't even know you exist!* So why are you spending countless hours watching 'Two and a Half Men," a show about an unsympathetic womanizer, after your painful divorce from a man who was a womanizer?"

Now I'll get back to reading the rest of your post.
Yeah forget about reading the rest of your garbage, you wander into 'OMGZ WIZARDS! HOW THE F*CK DID THAT HAPPEN?"


Your article is a waste of time, a lot like tv.

Stumbled. Thumbs down, would not buy from again.
Beautifully written. Except for 'people who don't watch television.' I have to say you miss the point there. It's not television, it';s commercial television. I still see the shows that I like and I'm well versed in pop culture. What people like myself are warning against is not having maximum control on what goes into your head when your defenses/filters are compromised.
The ruling classes figured out social engineering a very long time ago, and corporations have been working overtime to perfect it for the past century (I used to work in Advertising).
I'm not better or smarter, I'm just more sensitive to it and recognize that a lot of it leads to delusion and self destruction (and not by conscious choice).
But, like I said, your writing is sharp, with a top notch wit, and no one is right about everything.
God exists. He made you extra funny and awesome.
Keeping it real..I love it...
I haven't laughed so loud about something on the net for ages. well done - beautifully structured! Russian Wizards indeed.
datingpoz...C óM Set up your own std or related dating site for free. Earn money much easier
datingpoz...C óM - The best anonymous dating site for people with HIV positive, herpes, HPV, hepatitis and other STDs. Find

friendship, support, and even love with STD here!
#51...what's your problem, dude? Pebbles STILL won't put out for ya?
you forgot "people who think they're funny but really aren't" ....not really finding the humor that everyone else is. plus you lost me after God not existing... this whole article seemed to be pretty ignorant
Witty poke of humor at pop-culture. Some good, some ehhhh. None the less this is a creative, somewhat original and pretty funny twist on topics verbalized and attempted to be thought through by annoying hipsters. If you don't find the humor in it, maybe you need to get a sense of humor. The only missing link here is the Molecular Biology professor I had in college who believes in god and not evolution. W. T. F. is that and where do those people fit in?