Diary of a Mad Man

Portland Comedian Ian Karmel Documents His Life on Tour


Has the person who did this illustration ever even SEEN Ian Karmel? No? Ok, then.
I'm a tan 300 pound Jew, buddy. But there is an 80 comment discussion happening over on my facebook page trying to figure out who I look like here.
This Diary is not of a mad man. Guy seems coherent and sane to me. Guess i was just expecting zeppelin fish stories or at least a few brushes with johnny law.

Just like Willamette Week to overstate things. Yes i know.
In this illustration you look like a svelt, 220lb mulatto dyke w/ a jihadist beard I know. But I ain't naming names.
On the East Coast, Carl Jr. is called Hardees. Same business, different name. Exactly as Best mayonnaise is called Hellman's.
hey guys, you know how one thing is sort of like another thing that's actually not at all similar and holds no relation beyond the akward attempt to shoe-horn in a joke by an amateur comic?
Hey "fatandsloppy", you have a problem with my comedy, why don't you come out to the Hollywood Theatre tonight at 9 o'clock for an awesome show featuring Hari Kondabolu, Anthony Lopez, Nathan Brannon, Shane Torres and myself for only $10! and say it to my face, you miserable piece of shit! Also, I'm a professional comedian, but why make sense, ever?
Ian, don't ever expect chickenshit online commentors to actually make a physical appearance and SAY IT TO YOUR FACE. Not even for money would they even DARE!

Even if you offered "fatandsloppy" free entry, VIP pass, and a free beer just to show up and shake your hand - his would not do it!
I invented and told the most hilarious Chewbacca joke the world has ever heard. Thereby all Chewbacca jokes come from my legend. I am dismayed to hear that you are telling any jokes with reference to Lucas' outer space version of the Golem of Prague. I have expressed written consent from George. You will be hearing from our Attorneys. Let me retell:

What does Chewbacca sound like after Jack and Coke? GGGGRrrowwwlllllllooowowllllllll!
What does Chewwy sound like when he's in the mood for wookie sex?
What does Chewbacca sound like when he's ready for battle? GGGGRRRROOWwwwwwllll!!!
What does Chewwy sound like when he smokes weed? MEOW!
What does Chewbacca sound like after he snorts a line of cocaine?
(dramatic pause)
We're going to start up a record company, and then, then we're going open up a disco club, and then we're all taking vacations to Mexico, I want to make hit records man, top of the charts baby! We're going to be famous! Fuck yeah! Who's got Fifty bucks? Let's get some more blow! Whooooo! [! crossbow laser blast !]

...And don't even get me started on the compare and contrast version of Chewbacca (and Han Solo) vs. Bigfoot (and Jesus).

SuperUnknown Comic,
Matthew Zeller
is this the bitching column all the easy jobs have been taken wise up fellow