As if you didn’t have enough to watch in 2019, 2020 is coming at you even harder with more stuff you’ll be excited to watch, more stuff you’ll feel obligated to watch, and more stuff that everyone you know won’t shut up about until you finally just lie and say you watched it too and it was so good. There is also Avatar 2.
Avatar 2 (Dec) Stock up on razors and blue body paint! [URGENT AVATAR UPDATE! Turns out Avatar 2 isn't coming out until December 2021; the Mercury regrets the error. Considering its release has been pushed back at least four times—this film was originally announced as having a 2014 release date—we feel 100 percent confident in writing that you can expect to see Avatar 2 sometime in December 2042.—Eds.]
Avenue 5 (Jan, HBO) The latest from Veep’s Armando Iannucci is set in spaaaaace.
Bad Boys for Life (Jan) At last, we’ll finally find out what happened after Bad Boys II!
Bill & Ted Face the Music (Aug) The only ticket worth voting for in 2020 is the one with Theodore Logan and William S. Preston, Esq.
Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (Feb) Remember Suicide Squad? They’re trying it again!
Black Widow (May) Scarlett Johansson drags Florence Pugh, David Harbour, and Rachel Weisz into the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
Bob’s Burgers: The Movie (July) Do people still like this show? Now there is a movie.
BoJack Horseman (Netflix) People do still like this show, and these are its final episodes.
The Boondocks (HBO Max) Aaron McGruder’s much-loved series comes back via HBO Max, yet another goddamn streaming service.
The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (Jan, Netflix) The greatest show ever made about teen witches. Maybe this season SALEM THE CAT WILL FINALLY TALK
Coming 2 America (Dec) Eddie Murphy reteams with Dolemite Is My Name director Craig Brewer for a sequel that someone must’ve been waiting 32 years for.
The Crown (Netflix) Feat. Gillian Anderson as Margaret Thatcher!
Disenchantment (Netflix) A third season of Matt Groening and Bill Oakley’s fantasy comedy.
Doctor Who (Jan, BBC America) The great Jodie Whittaker returns as the Doctor, hopefully using her sonic screwdriver to make this season less awful than the last.
Dracula (Jan, Netflix) A blood-sucking drama from the creators of Sherlock.
Dune (Dec) Blade Runner 2049 director Denis Villeneuve adapts a sci-fi novel that not one single person has ever finished.
Either the Best or Worst Night of Your Life (Nov, Fox News) Wheeeeeeeeeee!
The Eternals (Nov) This is the movie that is to blame for Kumail Nanjiani’s abs.
Fantasy Island (Feb) If Blumhouse is horror-izing old TV shows, isn’t Gilligan’s Island a better fit?
Fast & Furious 9 (May) The next chapter in Charlize Theron and Helen Mirren’s acclaimed costume drama.
Halloween Kills (Oct) Jamie Lee Curtis comes back for the series’ 273rd entry.
His Dark Materials (HBO) A second season of the show about how organized religion corrupts and poisons all it touches... and also about how cute animals are when they talk!! PAY ATTENTION, SABRINA
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (July) This time... they’re kids! The Ghostbusters, I mean. But maybe there’ll be dead kids as ghosts too?
Grace and Frankie (Jan, Netflix) A sixth season of the show Jane Fonda makes whenever she isn’t saving the goddamn world for you ingrates.
GLOW (Netflix) Is anyone else still kinda squicked out by the Alison Brie/Marc Maron thing?
Godzilla vs. Kong (Nov) Someone has to care who wins. Right? Right?
Insecure (HBO) A fourth season of Issa Rae’s HBO series.
I Know This Much Is True (HBO) Wally Lamb’s book gets adapted into a prestige miniseries starring Mark Ruffalo, Melissa Leo, and Rosie O’Donnell. You didn’t see that last one coming!
I Think You Should Leave (Netflix) Hooray! More Tim Robinson making us laugh and/or exceedingly uncomfortable!
In the Heights (June) Lin-Manuel Miranda’s other musical gets a movie.
Jungle Cruise (July) The Rock and Emily Blunt valiantly battle a script based on a Disneyland ride.
The King’s Man (Sept) A Kingsman prequel, now with an added space and apostrophe!
Locke & Key (Feb, Netflix) Joe Hill and Gabriel Rodríguez’s creepy comic hits Netflix.
Mulan (March) Disney will not rest until every single one of its animated movies has been transformed into middling live action.
The New Pope (Jan, HBO) Meet The New Pope, same as The Young Pope.
No Time to Die (April) Daniel Craig’s final turn as 007, directed by True Detective’s Cary Fukunaga. Daniel Craig really wants to stop being Bond. Please let him.
Onward (March) and Soul (June) Parents not taking their children to these Pixar movies can and will be reported to Child Protective Services.
The Outsider (Jan, HBO) Richard Price and Dennis Lehane help turn Stephen King’s novel into a miniseries.
Pee-wee’s Big Adventure 35th Anniversary Tour with Paul Reubens (Feb, Newmark Theatre) Reubens pairs a screening of the film with behind-the-scenes anecdotes.
Portland EcoFilm Festival (April, Sept) An Earth Day film showcase in April, followed by the excellent fest itself in September.
Portland International Film Festival (March) The 43rd annual fest.
QDoc: Portland Queer Documentary Film Festival (April-May) The well-curated collection of queer-focused documentaries returns.
A Quiet Place Part II (March) Even quieter.
Ratched (Netflix) Ryan Murphy and Sarah Paulson team up for the show today's teens demand: A prequel to One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest!
Run (HBO) Here is all you need to know: This show is from the creators of Fleabag.
Space Force (Netflix) The Office’s Greg Daniels and Steve Carell dare to ask: “What if Trump’s dumbass Space Force was... real?”
Star Trek: Picard (Jan, CBS All Access) People are so stoked to see Patrick Stewart making it so again that everyone’s forgotten there’ll also be more Star Trek: Discovery.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (February, Disney+) New episodes of the animated series on Disney+, where we’ll probably also see another season of The Baby Yoda Show.
Tenet (July) Christopher Nolan’s top-secret latest, starring BlacKkKlansman’s John David Washington.
Top Gun: Maverick (June) If this movie had REAL COURAGE it would RESURRECT GOOSE and CRAM his BRAIN into a SUPER DRONE
Venom 2 (Oct) :(
Wendy (Feb) A reimagining of Peter Pan from the creators of Beasts of the Southern Wild. Just like Hook!
West Side Story (Dec) Boomers need movies too.
Wonder Woman 1984 (June) Presumably, Big Brother will be played by that narc Superman.