Admittedly, I was suckered by Saw's first installment for a few reasons. One: I can't stand the thought of being drugged and tortured. Two: I do not like scary clowns. Three: I saw the film alone at night, then went home and convinced myself that someone was outside plotting to kill me.

After a long sleepless night, Saw was burned into my mind as a horrifying film. Saw II is, unsurprisingly, pretty much the same movie. The film opens dramatically with some poor sap stuck in the worst situation ever. In the original, the unlucky dude awakes submerged in a tub of water in a dirty bathroom. In the second film, a man awakes wearing a terrible spiky contraption around his head that will slam shut and kill him, if he doesn't follow instructions—delivered via creepy clown—before time runs out.

Saw II is pretty much the stupid version of the Brad Pitt movie Seven, and the stupider version of Saw. After the shocking yet contrived first scene, Saw II settles into a ridiculous plot about seven people kidnapped by the killer and stuck in a house which is slowly being filled with deadly nerve gas. According to the killer there are several doses of an antidote to the deadly gas sprinkled around the house—but the kidnap victims must work together to find them.

Infuriating is the fact that the gaggle of idiots never does actually work together, and instead spends the two hours they have to find the antidote maiming and killing each other. It's gross, and just plain impractical.

Meanwhile, a cop (a dumpy-looking Donnie Wahlberg) is watching the brutal action in the house via video feed, wishing to Christ he could get in there and help, especially considering one of the victims is his son. By the end of the film we pretty much end up where we started, up shit creek without a paddle, and wishing like hell that Marky Mark had been cast as the cop.