The 6th Day
Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as a goose-steppin' kraut who gets his Aryan panties in a bunch when scientists clone his Nazi rat bastard ass. Koin Center, Lloyd Mall

All the Pretty Horses
What could possibly have prompted Columbia to invest millions buying the rights to Cormac McCarthy's All the Pretty Horses, pick up a box-office star in Matt Damon, and a hot new director in Billy Bob Thornton, and then sell off the domestic distribution to Miramax? Why has Miramax in turn slipped it into theaters on Christmas Day with minimal fanfare? Could it have anything to do with the year that Thornton spent "fine-tuning" his edit, or the assurance on their part that most reviews would turn out negative (as have the advance ones)? Whatever the reasons, it might be worthwhile to slip away from the family on Christmas Day and find out; contemplating the obnoxious greed and belligerent, stupefying ignorance that is Hollywood is always more entertaining than being stuck with your family's far more tawdry dysfunctions. (Bruce Reid) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville

Ryan Phillipe stars as the world's sexiest computer geek who must stop his megalomaniacal boss (Bill Gates) from making too much money. Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate, Wilsonville

* The Ballad of Ramblin' Jack
The story of Ramblin' Jack serves only as a canvas upon which to explore a more complex, more compelling fable: that of his largely forsaken daughter Aiyana Elliott, the film's director. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

* Benjamin Smoke
Riveting, beautifully-composed, funny, sad, and spilling over with excellent music, this near-perfect film documents the twilight hours in the life of a flamboyant fringe-dwelling performance-art-queen from Cabbagetown, GA, where being punk is still a transgressive gesture. Benjamin's amazing band, Smoke, provide a threadbare orchestral backdrop of haunting and spirit-rousing songs. See review this issue. (Sean Nelson) Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

* Best In Show
Christopher Guest's latest with Eugene Levy follows several dog owners on their quest for the blue ribbon at the 2000 Mayflower Kennel Club Dog Show. A well-executed, ridiculous little film lovingly mining ridiculous little people's ridiculous little lives. Cinemagic, Lloyd Mall

Billy Elliot
An ADORABLE film about a SWEET boy who wants to DANCE instead of mine coal. Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Mall

So it's a given that Gwyneth and Ben are only in movies because they're fun to look at (everyone one knows they can't act); but in this movie, they aren't even pleasing to the eyes! Hollywood Theatre, Kennedy School Theatre

Camera Buff
A quiet, happily married man flips his wig after purchasing a movie camera and decides to devote his life to cinematic truth. Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

Cast Away
It's become pretty much apparent that director Robert Zemeckis can't tell a story to save his life. Forrest Gump? Stinker. What Lies Beneath? Stinker, stinker! And Contact? Jesus Pete! What a stinker! And while his newest concoction Cast Away, starring Tom Hanks, doesn't exactly deserve stinker status, it still highlights Zemeckis' problems as a director. Have you seen the trailer for this movie? Then you have seen the ENTIRE movie, from opening to final shot. Admittedly, there are some engrossing moments (which interestingly involve Tom Hanks writhing in pain), but other than watching its main character puzzling through dire predictaments, there is little reason to care if this guy gets off his island or not. Plus, Helen Hunt is in it. Ughhh!! (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate, Wilsonville

* Charlie's Angels
I swore it could never be done, but somehow they've taken one of the worst shows in TV history, put in two of the worst actors in Hollywood (Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz), and come up with a comedic gem--and dare I say it?--one of the most hilarious films of the year. In this updated version of the TV show, director McG tips his hat to the classic T&A detective show of the '70s and then has a field day tearing each of its conventions down. The cast is uniformly terrific, especially Cameron Diaz, who plays her role like a giggly, girlish sociopath. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Avalon Theatre, Bagdad Theater, Edgefield Powerstation, Kennedy School Theatre, Kiggins Theater, Koin Center, Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater

Today I'm not weak. The film critic in me has control over my emotions; it can and will repress my wolflike desire to fill this review with hungry words that praise the celestial beauty of Juliette Binoche. That being said, the movie itself is unremarkable, and has absolutely nothing new to offer: Yes, organized religion is oppressive; yes, uncouth village drunks beat their wives; yes, Gypsies love to play Duke Ellington's "Caravan" on their guitars. As for South America, of course it has many mysteries, and Europe, senescent and dreary Europe, has no mysteries at all. Finally, women are more spirited, more earthy, than men. These are not new themes. We have seen them in one form or another in movies ranging from Like Water for Chocolate to Pleasantville. (Charles Mudede) Century Eastport 16, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Cinemas

The Contender
In this Hollywood version of the Lewinsky affair (with the Clinton character recast as a woman), the Democrats make all the great speeches you wish they'd made during the 104th Congress and the Republicans are as simply evil and as plainly hypocritical as you wish they were. The Contender plays like it was funded by the DNC and scripted by a college sophomore taking her first Intro to Women's Studies class. (Josh Feit) Koin Center

* Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Legendary warrior Chow Yun Fat can never declare his love for fellow martial-arts expert Michelle Yeoh. Instead, he entrusts her with Green Destiny, his nearly magical sword. But in the dark of night a hooded thief steals it, which leads to a fight held mostly in midair. An attempt to wed emotionally reticent drama with the exhilarating freedom of Hong Kong-genre filmmaking, but director Ang Lee can't quite pull off the combination; for too long a time, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon's shifting gears only jam. The film finds its rhythm and earns the accolades it has received once it leaves the stars behind and gives its heart over to the young and engaging Zhang Ziyi, as the aristocratic daughter of privilege who opts instead for the dangerous yet thrilling occupation of thief. See review this issue. (Bruce Reid) Cinema 21

Double Take
The "7-Up Yours" guy and that fellow from the UPN show with Theo Huxtable get in some deep doo-doo and run off to Mexico. 82nd Avenue, City Center 12, Division Street, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate

Dracula 2000
Are long capes and Hungarian accents still considered sexy by anyone? Still, here's the one holiday movie guaranteed not to even try to improve your morals, character, or feelings of goodwill. Though "presented" by Wes Craven, this film is directed by Patrick Lussier, who is best known in the industry for editing 16 episodes of MacGyver. 82nd Avenue, Cinema 99, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, St. John's Theater, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

Dude, Where's My Car?
Two potheads wake up after a night of partying and can't locate their car. But, ya know, it's funny... these kind of people can always seem to locate their pot... 82nd Avenue, Cinema 99, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Washington Square Center

The Emperor's New Groove
The new Disney animated feature in which a greedy emperor is turned into a nude llama to learn some humility. Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Tigard-Joy Theater, Vancouver Plaza , Washington Square Center, Wilsonville

The Family Man
The first half of this movie is funny. Nicholas Cage, a fastidious, fabulously wealthy arbitrageur, is magicked into a lower-middle-class schlumph. I shall not soon forget his reaction when he opens his schlumph closet, and his schlumph mother-in-law and father-in-law are priceless. There's a moment in a bowling alley where I saw a glimmer of hope for the second half; it could have been a still funny and tender riff on the thought that happiness, like bowling, is a skill that can be learned and practiced. But no, instead we have to have some goopy gush about the path not taken and falling snowflakes. Don Cheadle is good. Josef Sommer is good. There's no law that says you can't walk out after the first half. (Barley Blair) Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

* Film Harmonic
Here's a twist! Instead of scoring music to accompany a silent film, four works (by Chel White, Gus Van Sant, Joan Gratz and Jim Blashfield) have been specifically created to to interpret classic symphonic works. The Symphony will be performing live. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

Finding Forrester
A kid from the Bronx excels at both basketball and composition, befriends a hermit writer, undergoes a crisis from which the writer must extract him, thereby helping the writer overcome his own reclusive blah blah blah. Sean Connery wrote the Great American Novel and he never goes out now, except he will go out to watch a baseball game-well, he always used to watch baseball. Well yes, he watches basketball out the window now, but then he and his brother---oh, did I forget to say he had a brother? Well, he had one, and anyway, F. Murray Abraham tried to publish a critical book---no, F. Murray Abraham isn't the brother, he's a teacher. Yes, he's teaching at the school where the kid-well, okay, I guess I should have said that the kid gets into this snobby day school.... It goes on like that. (Barley Blair) Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Moreland Theater, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza

* Girl on the Bridge
A ravishing, breezily paced tale of amour fou, Girl on the Bridge stars Daniel Auteuil as a Svengali-like knife-thrower who meets his perfect foil in Vanessa Paradis' Adele. What makes the film great, though, is Leconte's feel for the effect of place on people: The roads are beckoning, Monte Carlo is impulsive, and Istanbul is confusion itself. Auteuil is never less than his dour self, and Paradis--a gap-toothed woman, it's worth noting--is stunning throughout. Laurelhurst Theater

Goya in Bordeaux
A dull, laughably pretentious attempt to portray the painter's twilight reminiscences, Goya in Bordeaux marks a definite nadir in Carlos Saura's career. The elder, barrel-bellied Goya smugly pontificates to his daughter about the tragedies and obligations of being an artist; his younger self mulls over the compromises inherent in being a court painter and the agonies of loving a notorious mistress. Neither appears smart enough to paint a bathroom wall, let alone the masterpieces that are liberally scattered throughout the film. Laurelhurst Theater

* I'm So-So
A highly personal interview with one of the great cinematic masters, Krzysztof Kieslowski. Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

I'm the One that I Want
Margaret Cho isn't a particularly insightful comic, but she sure knows how to go after a laugh. What's funny here is gleefully, howlingly funny. Her personal emancipation, however, doesn't quite flow freely from the rest of her material; the show strains whenever she stops to hit a nail on the head. (Steve Wiecking) Hollywood Theatre

Legend of the Drunken Master
Miramax attempts to make a little more money by dubbing Jackie Chan's Drunken Master II into English, and then re-releasing it. Avalon Theatre

Little Nicky
Adam Sandler stars as the son of Satan in the 35th Devil-themed film of the year. Lloyd Mall

Men Of Honor
A biopic about the first black underwater salvage expert that soaks Robert De Niro, sinks China Gooding, and drowns the audience with every cliche of the military movie genre, never mind that they all contradict each other. (Barley Blair) Kiggins Theater, Koin Center, Laurelhurst Theater, Mt. Hood Theater

Miss Congeniality
If a movie about the F.B.I. infiltrating a beauty pageant stars Sandra Bullock and Michael Caine, but all anyone is looking forward to is William Shatner's hammy turn as a tacky host, isn't it time for Hollywood to rethink its priorities? On the upside, perhaps this role as a beauty pageant contestant will persuade Miss Bullock to finally invest in some mustache bleach. Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

* Nightclubbing
Filmmakers Emily Armstrong and Pat Ivers spent much of the late '70s documenting the punk/new wave movement for their NY TV show, Nightclubbing. Here's a great and rare opportunity to see their best episodes. On Friday, check out "Greatest Hits 75-80" at 7:00 pm, "Roots of Hard Core" at 9:00, and "Live from CBGB's" at 11:00. On Saturday, see "Modern Music" at 7:00, and "Live from CBGB's" at 9:00. On Sunday, it's "Greatest Hits 75-80" at 7:00, and "Danceteria Video Lounge" at 9:00. And on Monday, it's a Nightclubbing Marathon with all five programs starting at 5:00 pm for only 10 bucks. A must see for music buffs! Clinton Street Theatre

No End
The ghost of a dead lawyer comes back to the world of the living to protect the rights of workers in post-martial law Poland. Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

* Non-Stop
Take three losers-a would-be bank robber, a convenience store clerk with rock 'n' roll aspirations, and an incompetent bodyguard. Involve them in a plot that also includes a missing gun, a toy gun, big knives, short swords, gangster groups, a car full of cops, and a gauze mask. Satirize all the movies that all of these movie characters wish they were in. That's the task that Sabu set for himself when he wrote and directed Non-Stop. It takes six seconds-seven, tops-to realize that you're in the hands of a competent filmmaker. So stop reading right now and just go see it. (Barley Blair) Fox Tower 10

* O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Set in Depression-era Mississippi, George Clooney stars as Everett Ulysses McGill, a suave and well-groomed petty criminal doing hard time on a chain gang. Shackled to Pete (John Turturro) and Delmar (Tim Blake Nelson), he convinces them to join him in escaping by promising to split a fortune in buried treasure with them. O Brother, Where Art Thou? is a road movie, and in acknowledgment of that, the Coen brothers claim it was based on the granddaddy of all road pictures, The Odyssey, by Homer. But the true inspiration for the movie is the music. T-Bone Burnett has collected all sorts of music from the era and from the region, and it's a joy to hear so much bluegrass in a major motion picture. The buoyant music and ham-handed performances are enough to lift anyone's spirits. (Andy Spletzer) Century Eastport 16, Evergreen Parkway, Fox Tower 10, Tigard Cinemas

Pay it Forward
After having been instructed by his social studies teacher to make the world a more benevolent place, Haley Joel Osment starts at the bottom, where the bums live amid burning oil cans, of course. About five minutes into his effort, Osment thinks he's failed and that the world is, in fact, shit. It's a performance that'll probably earn somebody an Oscar, but it just made me feel like kicking a kid in the teeth. (Kathleen Wilson) Avalon Theatre, Bagdad Theater, Koin Center, Laurelhurst Theater

Place Vendome
Paris' la Place Vendôme was the brainchild of everyone's favorite ultra-chic monarch, Louis XIV. Situated at the center of Paris, la Place Vendôme forms a tightly guarded enclave, accessible only from two small avenues on either end. Given the givens, I would much rather watch this film than hang around in the real Place Vendôme for a couple of hours; certainly my class standing would not be welcomed by those filthy, aristocratic frogs! Nicole Garcia's film may not be a historical analysis of Parisian society, but two hours of watching Catherine Denueve do her work will surely be worth your time. (Pablo de Ocampo) Hollywood Theatre

Quills is loosely (very loosely) based upon the latter years of the Marquis de Sade's life. Shortly after the French Revolution, de Sade resides locked away in the Charenton mental hospital where he is allowed, briefly, to continue writing his pornographic prose. Though meant for private consumption only, the writings are secreted out of Charenton by the laundry maid, Madeleine (Kate Winslet), and their popularity on the streets of France causes outraged apoplexy among the powers that be. Unfortunately, the film seeks to rehabilitate de Sade's image into that of Brave Soldier in the Noble Battle against Hypocrisy. Which not only flattens and dulls the film's subject, it also makes for one hell of a hypocritical movie in its own right. (Bruce Reid) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Westgate

Rebel Music: The Bob Marley Story
Jeremy Marre takes a fascinating look at the life of reggae great, Bob Marley. Mission Theater, Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

Remember the Titans
Denzel Washington coaches a bi-racial high school football team. Will they win the big game? Or more importantly, will they have any nudie locker room scenes? Avalon Theatre, Lloyd Mall, Mt. Hood Theater

* Requiem for a Dream
The yuks keep flying in this Disney-produced user's manual for heroin addiction. Laurelhurst Theater

Save the Last Dance
Finally! A multi-racial Dirty Dancing! A midwestern honky moves to the big city, and hooks up with a smooth talking brutha from the South Side. Are we all clear on this? Great. EVERYBODY DANCE! Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

Scottsboro: An American Tragedy
One of the many tragedies that gave birth to the Civil Rights movement, this documentary relives the 1931 court case which accused nine African-Americans of rape in Scottsboro, Alabama. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater, Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

Space Cowboys
Three old retired Air Force pilots want one last ride into outer space. Christ! Isn't it bad enough that these old farts always get the beautiful young chicks in the movies? And now they want to go into space, too? Forget it, Grandpa! It's off to the nursing home for you! Edgefield Powerstation

* State and Main
Alec Baldwin, William H. Macy, Sarah Jessica Parker, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and David Paymer descend on a small Vermont town to make a movie, bringing their sophisticated mores with them. The town end is held down by Charles Durning, Clark Gregg, Ricky Jay, Patti LuPone, Matt Malloy, Rebecca Pidgeon, and Julia Stiles... Do you begin to see a problem here? The cast is as fixedly big-city as a traffic jam. Though to tell you the truth, I was laughing too hard to worry about small inaccuracies. David Mamet has said that he was thinking of Preston Sturges when he put this film together, and it's a worthy successor to the Master. (Barley Blair) Century Eastport 16, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Cinemas

Swastika to Jim Crow
The story of Jewish immigrants who escaped Nazi Germany only to come face to face with anti-Semitism in the United States. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater, Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

Thirteen Days
You may enjoy this movie about the Cuban Missle Crisis, and that's okay, but I want you to hate it too. Here's what's to enjoy: Bruce Greenwood as Jack Kennedy and Steven Culp as Bobby. Kevin Costner's "Boston" accent that left me weak with laughter. Dylan Baker as Robert McNamara, rolling his eyes like a cow whose foot's just been run over by a tractor. That's pretty much it for the enjoyment. And why should you hate such an innocuous piece of fluff? You should hate anything-any work of art, any literature, any fiction, any history-that pretends there is an obvious answer to any serious question. David Self's script tries to fool us into thinking there's some serious moral reckoning at work by providing St. Jack with not one but two bad guys to slay: Curtis LeMay and Adlai Stevenson. Both parts are so glaringly, grotesquely unshaded as to amount to character assassination. (Barley Blair) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville

* Tiny Picture Club Open Screening
Are you a filmmaker? Got some Super 8 footage sitting on your shelf, with no hope of anyone ever seeing it? Here's one chance to show it. The Tiny Picture Club (those Super Super 8 Film Club cats) is inviting YOU to show your SILENT Super 8 film, provided it is no more than five minutes long. What's even cooler is that Adamatic will mix and scratch an original soundtrack as it plays! Make sure you find Reed and give him your film by 6 pm. Medicine Hat Gallery

Like a search engine laboring for information on "drug trade," "Mexican cartel," and "survival," Traffic pulls together three remotely connected stories about users and dealers, both in high and low places. What makes Traffic the most sophisticated narrative structure so far in this new genre of story-telling is that it does not bother to link stories with overlapping characters, or even around seminal events. Instead, the characters gravitate around keywords: greed, loyalty, self-preservation. The result is a nervous and jumpy, yet broad-based, essay on drugs in North America. (Phil Busse) 82nd Avenue, Broadway Metroplex, City Center 12, Division Street, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas

Given a blank check after The Sixth Sense, writer/director M. Night Shyamalan has returned the studio's largesse by delivering one of the worst films of the year. (Bruce Reid) 82nd Avenue, Lloyd Mall, Washington Square Center

Todd Haynes draws on the stories of real-life glamsters and spins them into his own glittering fantasy. Velvet Goldmine should easily turn out to be the best rock film of the '90s.

* Vertical Limit
Despite Hollywood's sad attempt to re-create a version of reality, Vertical Limit is actually a fantasy-filled fishing story blown entirely out of proportion. Not only does it star Chris O'Donnell, it also throws out tragedy after tragedy, and you don't feel bad about laughing at it. (Another bonus point!) You become trapped inside this product of a demented imagination, and soon, watching it becomes surprisingly fulfilling. (Megan Seling) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, St. John's Theater, Tigard-Joy Theater, Vancouver Plaza , Washington Square Center, Wilsonville

Oops! We told you to see this documentary about record collectors, but boy, were we ever WRONG. Vinyl is one notch above awful. Although the idea of spotlighting vinyl obsessives is a great idea, the film never really stays on task, with director Alan Zwieg more concerned with his own painfully boring, unfunny neuroses (he spends most of the extremely long film talking to himself in a mirror) than with the ins and outs of collectors. (Julianne Shepherd) Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

What Women Want
Mel Gibson stars as a man who can hear women's innermost thoughts in this feminist remake of the David Cronenberg sci-fi thriller Scanners. Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, St. John's Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate, Wilsonville

What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
Johnny Depp stars as Gilbert who has an overweight mama, two squabbling teenage sisters and the most gorgeous mentally retarded brother EVER (Leonardo DiCaprio). Mission Theater

Wonder Boys
Any film that can make an audience stomach Michael Douglas is a minor accomplishment. Curtis Hanson's film does more than that. In fact, it's rather good. Laurelhurst Theater

* You Can Count on Me
This is the sort of well-crafted, nutritious drama that gets critics burned out on adrenalized hoopla all tied up in knots. It's fine work, featuring Laura Linney's best performance since Congo (or maybe even before) as a single mom in the quaint burg of Scottsville. Her pothead drifter of a brother, also well played by Mark Ruffalo, shows up, spurring an eventual, earnest realization of the importance of family. Matthew Broderick has an amusing role as Linney's new boss, who says things like "I like paperwork." The latest product of the Culkin Family Factory Farm for Cuteness, Rory, plays the precocious eight-year-old. Playwright Kenneth Lonergan has, for his first film, created a movie for grown-ups that hardly ever surprises, but somehow that's OK. (Marc Mohan) Fox Tower 10