15 Minutes
Robert DeNiro demonstrates how much time someone will waste if you give them enough money in this derivative film about the influence of the media on the criminal justice system. Century Eastport 16, Washington Square Center

Almost Famous
Cameron Crowe's film about groupies, Lester Bangs, and learning to ROCK in the '70s. Laurelhurst Theater

The Aviator's Wife
Romance gets a kick in the ass in this Eric Rohmer comedy about a man obsessed with the boyfriend of a woman he's in love with. Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

* Before Night Falls
The real-life story of Cuban writer Reynaldo Arenas from his childhood in Cuba to joining Fidel Castro's revolutionaries to later being persecuted for homosexuality. A politcal film which centers on one man's loneliness. Koin Center

* Best In Show
Christopher Guest's latest with Eugene Levy follows several dog owners on their quest for the blue ribbon at the 2000 Mayflower Kennel Club Dog Show. A well-executed, ridiculous little film lovingly mining ridiculous little people's ridiculous little lives. Avalon, Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater

* Bike-In Theatre
On Sundays, from sundown until midnight, the fabulously scrappy art pranksters at P.S. What? will open the side of their house-llery for anybody with a bike to ride in and watch films. As of press time, they weren't sure what they're going to be showing this week. But the fact that they're so dedicated to providing art and fun to the community they're opening up their freakin' house to the public makes it so you should go even if they're showing Gladiator or something. (Julianne Shepherd) P.S., What?

The Brothers
The Brothers is a coming-of-age comedy/drama about four successful young black men coming to terms with commitment and adult relationships--a sort of Waiting to Exhale for men. I'm a brother myself. And I checked out on BET the other night that although the average life expectancy in America is 80 years, the life expectancy of a black man in America is 57 years. So if I do the math right, whereas this movie is two hours of insignificance in Whitey's run time, it's damn near three hours of Black time disappeared from my life. I will, however, vindicate this film, if only because seeing four black men in the same place at the same time is such a novelty in the Northwest. (Kudzai Mudede) 82nd Avenue, Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza

Cast Away
Have you seen the trailer for this movie? Then you have seen the ENTIRE movie, from opening to final shot. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Cinema 99, Evergreen Parkway, Movies on TV, Vancouver Plaza , Washington Square Center

Caveman's Valentine
Caveman's Valentine is about a madman named Romulus Ledbetter (Samuel L. Jackson) who lives in a cave in Central Park. A classical whodunit, set in the decadent sphere of New York's art elite. The process of solving a murder mystery leads not only to the person who committed the murder, but more importantly to a warm, glowing place where the mad father is finally forgiven by his bitter daughter. (Charles Mudede) Fox Tower 10

* The Charm Bracelet
After nearly a year of perpetual roving microcinema, The Charm Bracelet is starting to be recognized both nationally and internationally, thusly expanding their roster. The incredible German filmmaker Thorsten Fleisch returns, and the currently thriving Iowa City filmmakers contribute Jason Livingston in a Charm Bracelet debut. Locally, the Tiny Picture Club's Reed Harkness will present three Super 8 films, all scored by Urban Legends. Nathan Sea Burke (the artist behind the gorgeous Charm Bracelet "bird-about-to-be-killed" posters) will show an animated video, Nicolas Lampert and PS What?'s Ahren Lutz contribute slide shows, Steve Riddle will show a video, and J.D. Davis is doing a Super 8 installation piece. The Mercury's own Pablo de Ocampo and Laura Klein will contribute an installation and paper cut-outs, respectively, while Laurel Canyon will provide music. And, as always, The Charm Bracelet is open for submissions from anyone: www.charmbracelet.org. Meow Meow

Today I'm not weak. The film critic in me has control over my emotions; it can and will repress my wolflike desire to fill this review with hungry words that praise the celestial beauty of Juliette Binoche. That being said, the movie itself is unremarkable, and has absolutely nothing new to offer. (Charles Mudede) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Cinemas, Moreland Theater, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville

* Chunhyang
In the movie Chunhyang, a nobleman, secretly married across class lines, is separated from his wife, Chunhyang. Her virtue assailed, she resists, even under threat of death. Will the noble return in time? The pleasure of such a tale is in the telling, and this movie tells it wonderfully. (Barley Blair) Koin Center

* Cops vs. Thugs
A laid-back cop finds his friendship with a yakuza member ruined by a meddling supervisor. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

* Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Legendary warrior Chow Yun Fat can never declare his love for fellow martial-arts expert Michelle Yeoh. Instead, he entrusts her with Green Destiny, his nearly magical sword. But in the dark of night a hooded thief steals it, which leads to a fight held mostly in midair. An attempt to wed emotionally reticent drama with the exhilarating freedom of Hong Kong-genre filmmaking, but director Ang Lee can't quite pull off the combination; for too long a time, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon's shifting gears only jam. The film finds its rhythm and earns the accolades it has received once it leaves the stars behind and gives its heart over to the young and engaging Zhang Ziyi, as the aristocratic daughter of privilege who opts instead for the dangerous yet thrilling occupation of thief. (Bruce Reid) 82nd Avenue, Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Fox Tower 10, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville

* Dark Days
Dark Days was the triple-threat audience favorite at Sundance this year. Singer's five years of shooting the denizens of the tunnels beneath New York train stations, living with them, enlisting them as his crew, shows in the familiarity we feel for his resilient urban refugees. Mission Theater

Enemy at the Gates
This film by Jean-Jacques Annaud (Seven Years in Tibet) tells a story of two men in love with the same woman, set against a backdrop of international conflict. The action scenes are great, concentrating mostly on a game of wits and nerves between Vassily and an opposing sniper, a German aristocrat (Ed Harris) called in to squelch the popular Vassily. The only trouble is, the alternating love story sequences are utterly boring. (D.K. Holm) 82nd Avenue, Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville

Exit Wounds
Exit Wounds tells the story of how Steven Seagal, with the help of rapper DMX, cleans up a corrupt police precinct one bad cop and unattended jelly donut at a time. Steven Seagal has had a tough time in recent years with his rampant pot belly and poor box office performances. He's lost a bit of weight for this one, though; he's healthier, younger looking, his flexibility is once again bordering upon functional and there is a lot of chemistry between he and his onscreen partner DMX. Unfortunately for DMX, however, the chemistry between Steven Seagal and any actor will always result in the organic compound that I like to refer to as shit, and really that's no fun to watch at all. (Kudzai Mudede) 82nd Avenue, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, St. John's Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

* Faithless
As unflinchingly debilitating as it is long, this film, directed by Liv Ullman, carries on the traditions of retired filmmaker (and author of this screenplay) Ingmar Bergman. Much like a Bergman film, the narrative unfolds as if it were a therapy session. An aging screenwriter (named Bergman) sits in his study as his imagined character, Marianne, recounts the details of the story he is trying to pen. She tells of her friendship with a man that inevitably turns romantic. Markus, her husband, spends much of his time traveling as a conductor, but learns of Marianne's affair all the same, and everyone's life collides in total destruction. While not for the impatient soul, Faithless is every bit as beautiful and heartwrenching as one would expect from Ullman and Bergman. (Pablo De Ocampo) Koin Center

* Festival of Rare Animation
Deep from within the bowels of Dennis Nyback's film archive comes this festival of animated rarities. On Friday March 30, see The Genius of Tex Avery, who brought us Daffy Duck, Chilly Willy and Droopy. On Saturday March 31, it's The International Sex Cartoon Extravaganza, featuring dirty bird cartoons from around the globe. Sunday April 1 features The Groovy Goolies and Friends, featuring the classic '70s toons as The Groovy Goolies, Lassie and the Rescue Rangers and more! Monday brings us the Festival of Silent Animation, where the earliest known cartoons are spotlighted. On Tuesday April 3, Offensive Animation promises to turn your stomach with famous cartoon characters spouting racist propaganda. Wednesday offers The Birth of Betty Boop which features the earliest work of this early '30s sexpot. And finally, on Thursday April 5, the festival winds up with Not for Laughs, which proves cartoons aren't always meant to be funny. These shorts include sinking battleships, DDT poisoning, and the rare Story of Menstruation from Walt Disney and Kotex. Clinton Street Theatre

Finding Forrester
A kid from the Bronx excels at both basketball and composition, befriends a hermit writer, undergoes a crisis from which the writer must extract him, thereby helping the writer overcome his own reclusive, blah blah blah. (Barley Blair) Kiggins Theater, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Washington Square Center

* Get Over It
So Kirsten Dunst is totally in love with this nerd, but the nerd is in love with someone else: evil Allison. Evil Allison is, in turn, in love with Striker, the resident asshole with a bad British accent. It's all wrapped up in this super meta plot when all the players join together to put on a production of Midsummer Night's Dream. (Get it?) But um, who cares about that because Sisqo is in this movie! He can't act for shit, so the directors smartly didn't give him any lines, choosing instead to capitalize on his primary talent, dancing. And let me tell you, the dance scenes are hot! Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, Clackamas Town Center, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate

* Graveyard of Honor and Humanity
Yakuza sociopath freaks out and sprials downward into a haze of heroin, sleazy sex, violence and (gross!) eating the dead. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

Hannibal is a mess; an overblown, audacious, painstakingly long, gratuitous mess. Hannibal Lecter in his second outing is an annoying little old man, the sort you'd just love to push down a flight of stairs. Worse still he's a limey, a fish-and-chip-worshiping limey! That the man has killed over 15 Americans isn't a case for the fucking FBI; it's a case for immigration! Stick the INS on him and by lunch he'll be deported, disenfranchised, and the concern of only Miss Moneypenny and about fifty thousand tea ladies. (Kudzai Mudede) Cinema 99, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV

Part of the premise for the movie Heartbreakers, in which Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hewitt play a mother-and-daughter con team, is a fervent understanding that men will screw women over, and that women must beat those suckers at their own petty game. But as every cool-headed dealer knows, the revenge con never works; emotions, invariably, will trip you up. Heartbreakers is certainly amusing, but its unimaginative approach will disappoint viewers who want to feel the wicked cinch of the complex con. What it offers, instead, is the candy-rush sweetness of Hollywood true-love romance; a payoff, in a way, but one that proves unsatisfying in oh so many ways. (Traci Vogel) Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

* The House of Mirth
British director Terence Davies' The House of Mirth, starring Gillian Anderson and Dan Aykroyd, adapts Edith Wharton's 1905 novel about New York high society--the tragic story of a beautiful young woman looking to marry a rich husband and finding herself torn between her need for financial security and her desire for personal integrity. Koin Center

* In the Mood for Love
The most achingly beautiful film in years. Jilted spouses always find themselves circling one painful step away from seeking comfort in each other's arms. Every moment of this film snaps with perfection. Fox Tower 10

A Lyric Suite: A Collection of Video Work by Peter Rose (1983-2000)
As if a beacon of light teleporting across the sky, filmmaker Peter Rose has bounced from MOMA to the Whitney to the Centre Pompidou, and now, finally, to Four Wall Cinema. With a film cred sheet that reads like War & Peace (including fellowships from the NEA, Pennsylvania Council on the Arts, Guggenheim, and Pew Foundation) and the prestige of gracing PBS, Rose has a lot to brag about. Tonight's 75-minute program will showcase his many techniques, including diachronical imaging, time delay, digital editing, and an ephemeral grasp of light and sound. Included: "Analogies," "Pressures of the Text," Metalogue," "Foit Yet Cleem Triavith," "The Gift," "Digital Speech," "The Darkening," and "Omen." Four Wall Cinema

The Marquise of O
A governor's daughter during the Napoleonic wars is saved from rape by a Russian officer (Bruno Ganz)...but she still finds herself pregnant. What's up with that? Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

The Mexican
This movie was never meant to be a singular entity: It feels like two movies, hemorrhaged by nature, that have been forcefully welded together. The first of these movies is The Mexican; it features Brad Pitt, an antique gun, and the mob. It is vaguely interesting and Brad Pitt is very handsome. Secondly, there is what I will call National Lampoon's Seventh Circle of Hell, it stars Julia Roberts, a green V.W., and a sensitive hitman. It is a disgrace and Julia Roberts' performance is criminal. (Kudzai Mudede) Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate, Wilsonville

* Modern Yakuza
An arrogant thug tries to battle his way up through the yakuza ranks in this bloody Fukasaku free-for-all! Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

The New Babylon
According to the guy at the Liberation Collective, this film is "a major Stalinist stab at Hollywood." Liberation Collective

* O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Set in Depression-era Mississippi, George Clooney stars as Everett Ulysses McGill, a suave and well-groomed petty criminal doing hard time on a chain gang. Shackled to Pete (John Turturro) and Delmar (Tim Blake Nelson), he convinces them to join him in escaping by promising to split a fortune in buried treasure with them. (Andy Spletzer) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Evergreen Parkway, Fox Tower 10, Tigard Cinemas

The Pledge
Sean Penn's third directorial effort stars Jack Nicholson as a retiring police detective obsessed with solving the rape-murder of a seven-year-old girl. I've always hated those people that obsess over a band's first album or an artist's early years, but I must admit, neither of Penn's recent works have been able to live up to his first film, The Indian Runner. Nicholson gives a better-than-average "Jack Nicholson" performance, but he has become so much of a caricature of himself that it's hard to enjoy his acting anymore. (Pablo de Ocampo) Edgefield Powerstation

Another attempt from the film industry to mine the romantic lie of Bohemian life. This is actor Ed Harris' directorial debut (he also stars), and seems too hurried to establish the iconic events of painter Jackson Pollock's life--see Pollock urinate in Peggy Guggenheim's fireplace, see Pollock overturn the Thanksgiving table, see Pollock accidentally discover drip painting--instead of letting any of these moments achieve any natural resolution. City Center 12, Fox Tower 10, Lake Twin Cinema

The Price of Milk
A dreamy, modern-day fairy tale about New Zealand. Fox Tower 10

Quills is loosely (very loosely) based upon the latter years of the Marquis de Sade's life. Shortly after the French Revolution, de Sade resides locked away in the Charenton mental hospital where he is allowed, briefly, to continue writing his pornographic prose. Though meant for private consumption only, the writings are secreted out of Charenton by the laundry maid, Madeleine (Kate Winslet), and their popularity on the streets of France causes outraged apoplexy among the powers that be. Unfortunately, this film seeks to rehabilitate de Sade's image into that of Brave Soldier in the Noble Battle against Hypocrisy. Which not only flattens and dulls the film's subject, it also makes for one hell of a hypocritical movie in its own right. (Bruce Reid) Bagdad Theater, Laurelhurst Theater

Say it Isn't So
The premise here is that the characters of Chris Kline and Heather Graham fall in love only to discover that they are brother and sister. Chris Kline later on finds out that they are not and sets of in search of his sweetheart, and well take my word for it, I've seen mad cows with a more refined sense of comedic timing. The grotesqueries manage to simply revolt, the poop jokes are just shitty, and the whole movie feels like vomit. (Jamie Hook) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Washington Square Center, Wilsonville

* Series 7
Pregnant lady kills people for fabulous cash and prizes in this parody of reality television. See review this issue. Cinema 21

Shadow of the Vampire
In this piece about the filming of the classic silent horror flick Nosferatu, Willem Dafoe and John Malkovich are hilarious, providing many quotable quotes and actions that will provide hours of fun for fans of high camp (much like similar lines from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure or Austin Powers). [Note to Post-ironic Mockers: it's not bad enough to be THAT funny. It's just plain bad.] (Julianne Shepherd) Hollywood Theatre, Laurelhurst Theater

* Silence of the Lambs
FBI recruit Jodie Foster gets homicidal Anthony Hopkins horny in this far superior prequel to Hannibal. Hollywood Theatre

Guy Ritchie (a.k.a. Mr. Madonna) knows how to use a camera like nobody else. Too bad he doesn't know how to make a film. The technique is clear: heaps of colorful characters walking around in nicely lit areas doing nasty things, throw in a few twists, pile on a few more characters and a lot more nasty things, a couple more twists, and then you're done. (Jamie S. Rich) Bagdad Theater, Kennedy School Theatre, Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater

Someone Like You
If cuteness becomes a commodity, Ashley Judd will become an enormous, publicly-traded, multinational corporation. Please think twice before you go see this film. 82nd Avenue, Broadway Metroplex, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza

Spy Kids
Fellow earthlings, I regret to inform you that even now as we speak, it is too late. Spy Kids is headed towards us like a juggernaut and only the childless have means of escaping. When a brother and sister set out to rescue their parents (played by Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino)--and, subsequently, the world--from a malignant army of robotic children, they simultaneously deliver us straight into the jaws of humanity's most lethal foe, consumerism. The jet-packs are corporate fueled. The adrenaline rushes are company sponsored. And as we leave, the advertisers wave goodnight as they wish us, and especially the children, many many sweet McDreams. (Suzy Lafferty) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, St. John's Theater, Tigard-Joy Theater, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate, Wilsonville

* State and Main
Alec Baldwin, William H. Macy, Sarah Jessica Parker, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and David Paymer descend on a small Vermont town to make a movie, bringing their sophisticated mores with them. The town end is held down by Charles Durning, Clark Gregg, Ricky Jay, Patti LuPone, Matt Malloy, Rebecca Pidgeon, and Julia Stiles... Do you begin to see a problem here? The cast is as fixedly big-city as a traffic jam. Though to tell you the truth, I was laughing too hard to worry about small inaccuracies. David Mamet has said that he was thinking of Preston Sturges when he put this film together, and it's a worthy successor to the Master. (Barley Blair) Koin Center

* A Time for Drunken Horses
Even if Iranians don't celebrate Christmas, this movie is bound to be a holiday classic. Sure, it doesn't have the gooey sentimentality of It's A Wonderful Life, but it does have sweeping panoramas of the snowy and rugged Iranian border. After his father is killed by a mine, a stoic teenage boy is forced to smuggle tires and whatnots across the border in order to earn enough money to pay for his siblings schoolbooks and an operation for his dying, invalid brother (hello, Tiny Tim, anyone?). Nominated by the Academy for Best Foreign Film, it will keep you by the short hairs. (Phil Busse) Laurelhurst Theater

Evidently, a lot of people have been missing the Porky's franchise. At least, that's the only explanation we can find for this slop-fest. 82nd Avenue, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate, Wilsonville

With jumpy camera movements and "edgy" editing, the film braids together three loosely connected stories about the--gasp--drug war. What you may not have heard, though, is that one of these three stories is about as challenging as an after-school special, and another a blatant Miami Vice rip-off. The only truly lasting quality of the film is Benicio Del Toro, whose unflinching performance explores the conflicts between loyalty and self-preservation. Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Hilltop, Koin Center, Lloyd Cinemas, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Westgate

* Under the Fluttering Military Flag
Also known as Under the Flag of the Rising Sun. A soldier's widow tries to piece together the details of her husband's death in the war. She is met again and again with conflicting stories, only to find that he was (as she tried so hard not to believe) court martialed and executed for killing his superior officer. Although the intense violence that is prevalent here, and in all of Fukasaku's works, might be of initial appeal or offense (depending on how strong your stomach is), it is definitely an aspect that should be gotten over. Fukasaku uses violence as a vehicle to comment on the issues from which the violence is rising--honor and nationalism. He examines, through recollections, the ways in which total defeat vs. staunch determination and pride tore apart the Japanese Army. But he takes it past a simple war statement with the film's setting in Japan of the '70s; true to the spirit of most post-war Japanese art, Fukasaku looks at cities in ruin, at poverty, and at the ideas of escape and rebuilding from a haunted past. Subtlety loses out to obtuse heavy-handedness with Fukasaku's films, but within in the bluntness is an intelligent and impassioned perspective on post-war Japan. (Pablo de Ocampo) Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

* Waiting for Guffman
Christopher Guest is Corky St. Clair, (way, way off) Broadway Director, in this "funny because it's true" mockfest about the big-city aspirations of small-town theater. With Parker Posey, Fred Willard, Catherine O'Hara, and Eugene Levy as the soon-to-be-famous players of Blaine, Missouri. Laurelhurst Theater

Warner Brothers Cartoon Classics
Classic toons from Warner Brothers, including Bugs, Daffy, Elmer, Tasmanian Devil and Foghorn. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

The Widow of St. Pierre
In 1849, on Saint-Pierre, a French-ruled island off the Newfoundland coast, a sailor, after getting drunk and killing a man as a kind of stupid prank, is sentenced to death by guillotine. And the nearest one is far to the south. While waiting for it to arrive, Neel is taken under the wing of "Madame La" Pauline (Juliette Binoche) and a kind of love grows not only between them, but between Neel and the community, as well. You couldn't ask for a more ready-made parable (based on the historical record, yet) of the horror of the death penalty, the inhuman machinery of the state, and the grandeur of the human spirit. Fox Tower 10

* You Can Count on Me
This is the sort of well-crafted, nutritious drama that gets critics burned out on adrenalized hoopla all tied up in knots. It's fine work, featuring Laura Linney's best performance since Congo (or maybe even before) as a single mom in the quaint burg of Scottsville. Her pothead drifter of a brother, also well played by Mark Ruffalo, shows up, spurring an eventual, earnest realization of the importance of family. Matthew Broderick has an amusing role as Linney's new boss, who says things like "I like paperwork."The latest product of the Culkin Family Factory Farm for Cuteness, Rory, plays the precocious eight-year-old. Playwright Kenneth Lonergan has, for his first film, created a movie for grown-ups that hardly ever surprises, but somehow that's OK. (Marc Mohan) Koin Center