13 Going on 30
It's 1987 and 13-year-old Jenna wants nothing more than to grow up and become the editor of her favorite fashion mag, Poise. In her way is a group of horrid junior high bitches, and her fat neighbor who carries a Casio and a huge crush. After a particularly traumatic experience, Lil' Jenna uses "wishing dust" to become Big Jenna--a 30-year-old knockout with a closet full of shoes, a hot boyfriend, and her dream job. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Avalon, Edgefield, Kennedy School, Milwaukie 3 Theater, St. Johns Pub

* Archaeology Film Series
The Kiggins Theater continues their Archaeology Film series with Cave of the Glowing Skulls, a documentary showing the discovery of 3,000-year-old human remains in Honduras, proof of a previously unknown society. Because calcite deposits had built up on the bones over the decades, it caused the skulls to glow ominously when uncovered. Following is Ground Zero/Sacred Ground, an animated film set in New Mexico that shows the juxtaposition of the Native American way of life with the new American way of life, which caused the atomic bomb to be detonated 30 miles from a sacred Native rock art site. Finally, A Kalahari Family, Part 2: End of the Road, a film about the African Bushmen and the difficulties they face in trying to maintain their way of life in South Africa. Kiggins Theater

The Big Animal
A sweet-natured Polish comedy about a small-town family and their pet camel. With a nod to the imminently wonderful Harry and the Hendersons, the family here struggles with the same bundle of emotions--pride in their "pet," envy from neighbors, shame for hiding their secret and overflowing love. Ultimately, their animal devotion gets them ostracized from their community. Guild Theater

* Bon Voyage
Bon Voyage has a big theme (Germany's invasion of France), big actors (in terms of reputation), and big emotions (a young man's eternal love for a famous but shallow movie actress). The speed of the film's narrative is always high, and the characters are kept in constant motion, rarely stopping to rest and look at the big world around them. If this were an American movie, it would have been described as intelligent and even profound; but as a French movie, it is big, dumb, and lots of fun. (Charles Mudede) Fox Tower 10

* Breaking Away
The greatest underdog movie ever. An 18-year-old cyclist from Indiana struggles with his identity as the son of a Midwestern blue collar worker. The film is based on the true story of the young man and his ragged bunch of townies (including Dennis Quaid in his breakout role) who are trying to figure out what the hell to do with their lives. Shown tonight as part of SHIFT's Pedalpalooza, which means bring yer bike and get in for a buck! Laurelhurst

* Bukowski: Born Into This See review this issue. Cinema 21

Chronicles of Riddick See review this issue. Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Sherwood 10, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Wilsonville

* The Cockettes
A funny, well-constructed video documentary about a troupe of revolutionary, socialist, hippie, drag queen midnight-movie performers in San Francisco in the-surprise!-late '60s. They took a lot of drugs, broke a lot of rules, and sucked a lot of cocks, and everyone loved them. But once they took their show to New York, they discovered that hipster and hippie didn't match. Features interviews with survivors and witnesses (including John Waters), and opens a window into one of the most unusual cultural miscegenations in semi-recent history. Also: genitals! (Sean Nelson) Cinema 21

* Coffee and Cigarettes
Based upon the existentialist's perennial props--coffee, cigarettes--it's easy to assume Coffee and Cigarettes will fulfill the circular non-aspirations of '90s slacker art films. A collection of black-and-white shorts directed by Jim Jarmusch (some of which were in fact filmed in the '80s and '90s), it follows a formula similar to his 1991 film A Night on Earth: concretize the mise en scene (here, conversation over coffee and cigarettes) and flow in the players, for a portfolio in character interaction and bare direction. It's a meditation on the extraordinary in the mundane--and, at first, it seems the emphasis is "mundane." But, starting with the short starring Tom Waits and Iggy Pop, magic starts to happen. As the scripts unloosen, tension between players becomes more genuine, recurring topics emerge, the magnetic pull of coffee and cigarettes is pondered, and the film attains a hypnotic shiplike sway. (Julianne Shepherd) Fox Tower 10

* The Day After Tomorrow
The Day After Tomorrow is a summer blockbuster--an all-purpose film, meant to entertain you and me and popcorn-huffing Middle Americans and apocalypse-watchers and the Jake Gyllenhaal Fan Club alike--and in the interim, hopefully earn back some of the 100 million clams it dropped on special-effecting the Empire State Building to freeze up and bend over. But that's just gravy. The Day After Tomorrow is, in actuality, a two-hour-long, stern visual memo from director Roland Emmerich to George W. Bush RE: his absentee environmental policies, and it couldn't be more awesome. Okay, it could be more awesome-but it's more interesting than you might expect. (Julianne Shepherd) Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Sherwood 10, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate, Wilsonville

Garfield: the Movie See review this issue. Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Pioneer Place Stadium 6, Sherwood 10, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate, Wilsonville

* Good bye, Lenin
In 1989, Alexander Kerner (Daniel Brühl) is a young East Berliner not beginning, as he had hoped, a career in space, but one as a TV repairman. Though not happy about his situation, Alexander is not an angry youth, nor is he openly hostile to his mother, whose faith in the Socialist Party contradicts his emerging political beliefs. During a protest against the state, which is brutally repressed by the police, Alexander's mother chances to see him being beaten and arrested by the very cops who serve the party that she is devoted to. The mother faints and has a heart attack, which sends her into a coma. During her sleep, the Berlin Wall falls, East Germany dissolves into West Germany, and the society changes its money, its clothes, its entire mode of material existence. After eight months, the mother awakes, but because she is frail, the doctor strongly recommends that her recovery not be shaken by shocks and surprises. It's at this point that Good Bye, Lenin! becomes interesting. (Charles Mudede) Laurelhurst

* Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
As in J.K. Rowling's celebrated books, the film version of The Prisoner of Azkaban is the middle chapter in the series--and plays that way. While it has action aplenty, the tone is slightly darker and wiser, taking time to explore Harry's coming of age. The humor is sharper than the first two, and the acting (especially from the children) shows maturity--however, they better hurry up with the rest of the series before Hermione bursts out of her training bra. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Sherwood 10, St. Johns Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate, Wilsonville

* Harvest of Fear
A locally made horror film about the secrets of the past coming to haunt the future. Or more succinctly, a bunch of people getting killed in a small town when the annual harvest fest comes around. Sabala's Mt Tabor Theatre

* Hellboy
Admittedly Mike Mignola's comic sounds shitty on paper: Hellboy--a baby demon clandestinely summoned by the Nazis in WWII--is adopted by the good-hearted Professor Bruttenholm, raised in the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense, then proceeds to fight Nazis and various monsters. Ridiculous premise or no, Hellboy has been a mainstay of indie comics for 10 years, infusing that simplistic premise with insightful characterization and emotional resonance. As those are qualities usually ignored in Hollywood's comic adaptations, Hellboy should have failed fantastically. Instead, it succeeds in ways that no other comic adaptation has. (Erik Henriksen) Avalon, Laurelhurst, Mt. Hood Theater

The Human Dutch
A fun, funny, and fascinating look at the overly normal Dutch. Produced in 1963 with both an artist poetry as well as a zoological angle, this document examines to find what is unique and sublime about a nation that has produced so few extraordinary people. Guild Theater

* The Last Waltz & Gimme Shelter
Scorsese proves he can RAWK with this loving documentary about The Band's final performance. Afterwards, see the Rolling Stones tour documentary Gimme Shelter which chronicles the tragic California concert where the Hell's Angels went apeshit on the fans. XV

* Love Me If You Dare
A standout. A boy and girl grow to adulthood, bound together by an escalating game of dares. Will they consummate the romance that lies behind the game? Strikingly designed and shot, this film is by turns comedic, tense, and frightening. Inevitably reminiscent of Amèlie, but with a much darker worldview. (Mike Whybark) Fox Tower 10

* Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Although you've seen the movie enough times to memorize the lines, now they've added new footage as the Arthurian troupe heads up the Mekong Delta in Vietnam and, in a hilarious encounter with the French, heaps on the "fart in your general direction" jokes. The horror! The hilarity! Clinton Street Theater

Sort of like a Dutch version of Northern Exposure, this film picks through a crowd of eccentrics, treating each one with equal parts adoration and humiliation. Directed by Alex van Warmerdam, the film continues the Film Center's odd homage to Dutch films. Whitsell Auditorium

* One People
Produced in 1976, the year after Surinam gained its independence from Holland, this film tells the hopeful story about a young man who leaves Amsterdam and his Dutch girlfriend to care for his dying mother in his hometown in Surinam. Torn between two cultures and two loves, the story is both a slice of history (funky, man) and a gripping love story. Whitsell Auditorium

* Philip Guston, A Life Lived
Produced a year after his death, this documentary traces the arc traveled by artist Philip Guston from doubt-filled abstractionist to a bounding enthusiast who expressed his thoughts through cartoon realism. A wonderful examination of changing perceptions. Whitsell Auditorium

* Power Trip
We ugly Americans could learn a thing or two from our Soviet comrades. After whooping their butts in the Cold War, we took over their power companies. What happens when a population accustomed to free power-to-the-people (literally) suddenly has to pay for it? A funny and heartbreaking documentary about a clash of cultures. Hollywood Theatre

* Psycho
A cross-dresser with an Oedipus complex terrorizes a motel, and makes showering less comfortable for everyone for the rest of eternity. Laurelhurst

A Question of Silence
A woe-is-womanhood film. More noirish than Thelma and Louise, more shadowy than Joy Luck Club, the story CSIs a murder scene. The victim: A male clerk in a Dutch dress shop. The culprits: Three women who didn't know each other but were brought together by their brutal crime. Was their homicide justified? Is overthrowing "patriarchal oppression" a justifiable cause? For one estrogen soaked perspective, tune in to this 20-year-old film. Whitsell Auditorium

* The Return
The Return is both beautiful and bewildering. Set in rural Russia, its unique premise is of a father reuniting with his two sons after 12 years. The catch is that nobody says where he was or why he came back--only that the boys had better pack their bags, because Daddy's taking them on a trip. Though nothing is explained, it can't be good, because everyone is incredibly tense and listless. (Marjorie Skinner) Cinemagic

The Saddest Music In the World
This is one hell of a film--or so it insists. From the very beginning it assaults its audience with the assertion that it is arty, deep, and important. This is first presented by the film's look-dark, grainy black-and-white that's purposely smeared, so that the edges of every scene and figure are blurred and distorted. It's pretty uncomfortable to watch, and the bizarre storyline only exacerbates the disorienting effects. Set in Winnipeg during the Great Depression, the film is about a wealthy beer baroness (Isabella Rossellini) who throws a radio contest to see which country produces the saddest music in the world (and to sell beer to the depressed masses, especially the Americans terrorized by prohibition). (Marjorie Skinner) Cinemagic

Shrek 2
Shrek 2 can best be described with a shrug. As in: it's fine, no big deal, just what you would expect. It is a harmless home run--uninspired, for the most part (especially when compared to the original), but certainly watchable. This, I'm well aware, is not high praise, but then Shrek 2 is impervious to both praise and derision; safe and cozy thanks to the massive success of its predecessor, the film can just sit back and patiently tally what is sure to be its massive profit. (Bradley Steinbacher) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Mall, Moreland Theater, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Pioneer Place Stadium 6, Roseway Theatre, Sherwood 10, St. Johns Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate, Wilsonville

The Silent Raid
What? You didn't know that the Dutch played an integral role in winning World War II? After nearly every story has been told about the "greatest generation," you'd think that you would have heard about even this obscure one. Filmed in documentary black-and-white style, the films tells about the members of the (fierce) Dutch Resistance who, at nearly the tail end of the war, freed some prisoners. The film was a major commercial success in Holland when released in 1962. But then again, remember that the Dutch think that wood clogs are fashionable. Whitsell Auditorium

* The Stepford Wives See review this issue. Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Pioneer Place Stadium 6, Sherwood 10, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate, Wilsonville

* A Streetcar Named Desire
Starring Marlon Brando and Vivien Leigh, a film of the classic Tennessee Williams play about a man, Stanley Kowalski, who destroys the false illusions of his sister-in-law and in turn, destroys her. Pix Patisserie

* Stupidity
Since stupidity runs rampant, it's amazing the subject has never been given a full scientific treatment. However, documentarian Albert Nerenberg and his film Stupidity have taken a step in the right direction. The first thing we learn about stupidity is that none of the people interviewed can define it. But, they do seem to know it when they see it. Nerenberg makes the case that in actuality, we know much more about the concept of intelligence--even though stupidity causes much more damage in the world. Using experts, Nerenberg gives us a guided tour of how 20th-Century scientists developed the I.Q. (intelligence quotient) test, and the surprising origins of words like "idiot," "moron," and "imbecile." An even more interesting theory is how corporations, politicians, and the entertainment industry have learned to use "stupidity" to sell their products. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Clinton Street Theater

* Super Size Me
In an inspired bout of artistic commitment, Morgan Spurlock set aside a month during which he ate nothing but McDonald's. The effects of this endeavor were astounding. He put on 30 pounds in 30 days, suffered periods of intense chest pain, shortness of breath, and was told by multiple doctors that if he continued at his unorthodox eating he would die from liver failure within six months. As the movie progresses, a palpable sense of dread mounts, as Spurlock continues to stuff McNuggets and french fries in the face of terrible health reports. (Justin Sanders) City Center 12, Fox Tower 10

The Terminal Tom Hanks stars as a Hungarian immigrant who takes up residence in a NYC airport. Sneak preview Tuesday only. Lloyd Mall

* Trees Lounge
Steve Buscemi wrote and directed and starred in this film about a guy who steals from his job and gets fired, then gets dumped by his girlfriend for his boss, then finds out she's knocked up. Understandably, the only solace he finds is in a bar (Trees Lounge) and the bottle. Blind Onion

If you were going to bring an epic tale to life on the big screen, it would be nice if you could find an epic tale to tell. Troy, the latest big budget action/drama/war/romance/ adventure film by hack director Wolfgang Petersen (Perfect Storm, Air Force One, Outbreak) and starring Brad Pitt, has absolutely no idea what story it's trying to unravel. Playing out something like the Cliffs Notes version of Homer's enormous epic poem, The Illiad, on which it's based, Troy attempts to conquer a huge amount of territory, but has no battle plan. (Katie Shimer) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Fox Tower 10, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Sherwood 10, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Wilsonville

Van Helsing
Hugh Jackman plays Van Helsing, a long-haired Nancy-boy, who is paid by the Vatican to run around Europe and kill monsters, and who's eventually sent to Transylvania to kill Dracula. On his journey, he meets up with a sweet piece of ass (Kate Beckinsale) who also wants to kill Dracula because--surprise!--he killed her family. BUT! Unbeknownst to them, Drac has an evil scheme in mind! He plans to hatch a bunch of baby vampires by kidnapping other monsters-like the Wolfman and Frankenstein-and drain them of their life force using a method so overly complicated I'm afraid I'll have to kill myself if I'm forced to explain it. Sadly, the plot of Van Helsing is nonsensical, the monsters unbelievable, the action computer-generated, and it's neither scary, funny, nor exciting. And did I mention the title was stupid? If you're looking for a scary time with monsters, trust me-you'd be better off staring at a box of Count Chocula for two hours. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Cinema 99, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Vancouver Plaza

* Videos from the Resistance
Indymedia's collection of videos of local protests, including harrowing footage of police brutalizing and pepper-spraying protesters--maybe even you! Nocturnal

Visuals III
A hodgepodge of experimental film and live music pairings. On Friday see local film shorts, followed by local group Nutthanger Farm performing to Blade Runner. On Saturday see DJ Variance performing to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and AKA 47 performing to The Pillow Book. Weird, and possibly delightful. Fifth Avenue Cinemas

* What the Fuck Do We Know?
What the #$*! Do We Know?, is a tidy, slick, and thoroughly compelling documentary-infused narrative, which attempts to break the ice of quantum physics without putting us to sleep. The dramatized portions follow a few days in the life of Portland photographer Amanda, affectionately played by Oscar winner Marlee Matlin, as she deals with her separation from a cheating husband. These scenes were filmed at various sites around Portland, which adds a certain resonance to the action. Interspersed throughout the narrative, noted quantum physicists break it down, posing huge questions about reality, and our perceptions thereof. They touch on deliciously radical and heretical topics, but stop short of simple explanations, which gives the film a lovely, meditative feel, while simultaneously making you smarter. (Brian Brait) Bagdad Theater, Hollywood Theatre

* Yves St. Laurent: His Life and Times
A documentary revealing the rarely interviewed Yves St. Laurent, the fashion designer and teenage protege of Christian Dior. The film discusses his privileged childhood in colonial Algeria, continues to when he debuted his first clothing line at 22, and follows his overwhelming success beyond. Hollywood Theatre