9/11: Press for Truth
Not screened for press, this film boldly claims that it "will catapult the 9/11 truth movement into the mainstream of America." Uh-huh. More info: 911pressfortruth.com. Cinemagic

The Beales of Grey Gardens
See review this issue. Clinton Street Theater

Benefit for The More Things Stay the Same
Pirates are out. Snakes on planes are out. Ninjas are way out. So what's in, you might ask? My prediction: hobos! Take, for instance, tonight's impressive line-up of hobo-themed films and presentations to benefit local documentarian Marc Moscato's film-in-progress, The More Things Stay the Same. Moscato will show clips from his film about Depression-era Dr. Ben Reitman, a friend to hobos and prostitutes in Chicago who provided abortions and birth control when both were illegal. Then, local lowbrow historian Morgan Mullen will give a brief talk about this history of hobos in the Northwest. To wrap things up, Bill Daniels will be on hand to screen Who is Bozo Texino?, his loving and fascinating black-and-white tribute to rail riding and hobo graffiti. Don't be an easy mark. Tonight's show is the real soup kitchen. (Chas Bowie) Liberty Hall

Boudu Saved from Drowning
1932's film by Jean Renoir, in which a man is rescued by a bourgeois bookseller—at which point the man moves into the good Samaritan's house. Wackiness (or whatever the French equivalent of wackiness is) ensues. Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium

Conversations with God
Ugh. This faux-spiritual piece of cinematic drivel made me want to eat broken glass for two straight hours. Based on the life of Neale Donald Walsch and his best-selling Conversations with God "nonfiction" books, the premise is that Walsch (played by Henry Czerny) starts hearing a voice, the voice of god, and (lucky) you get to experience these prolonged conversations. Not only that, but you are forced to witness the horrors of his motivational speeches... the horrors of watching him cry during his brief stint of being homeless, while eating from a dumpster as a young child looks on with pity... and, the horror, the horror, of hearing pithy sophisms like, "I don't want to make a living, I want to make a life." Since this is a benefit for the Sisters of the Road Café, I wholeheartedly recommend making a donation to the nonprofit organization (222-5694) and staying far, far away from this stinker. (Courtney Ferguson) Bagdad Theater

The Covenant
This film didn't screen for press (LAME!), but I saw a preview for it in front of Snakes on a Plane, and as far as I can tell, it's basically The O.C. meets The Omen: It's about a bunch of pretty boys who're really warlocks. The film's directed by Renny Harlin, who was hot shit for a while (Die Hard 2: Die Harder, Cliffhanger, marrying Geena Davis) before he turned into cold diarrhea (Cutthroat Island, Deep Blue Sea, Exorcist: The Beginning, getting divorced from Geena Davis). (Erik Henriksen) Regal Cinemas, etc.

Crater Lake Monster
A meteor crashes into Oregon's Crater Lake, unleashing a vicious dinosaur! Clinton Street Theater

Sure, everybody loves Wayne Brady but, in Crossover (the street basketball version of You Got Served—finally!), he's a nasty player. There's also Eva Pigford (who, even with that surname, won America's Next Top Model in 2004), but she plays a Detroit skank. As for the story of Crossover, two ballers want their hoop skills to take them different places—one to the NBA, one to college. Their differing paths take them both to Los Angeles, where all their dreams get fucked. Maybe a lesson for all non-Angelenos? Frankly, I'll never know, because at Crossover's screening, the film broke three-quarters of the way through—just as Eva interjected, "It's not even your baby!" (Will Gardner) Regal Cinemas, etc.

See review this issue. Fox Tower

Heading South
See review this issue. Cinema 21

See review this issue. Cinetopia, Century Eastport 16, Century 16 Cedar Hills Crossing

HOUSE OF SAND If you want to see sand dunes, but can't afford the buggy and can't abide nature documentaries, then the languorous House of Sand is for you. There is no real story to speak of, only the outline of one. The outline goes like this: Áurea (Fernanda Torres) is married to a man who buys a sandy plot somewhere on the coast of Brazil. He moves Áurea, their unborn child, and her mother (Fernanda Montenegro) to this wasteland, where he promptly dies, leaving three generations stranded. House of Sand feels all the more vacant because its points of reference are so ambitious. The only thing it really demonstrates is that sand is nice. (Annie Wagner) Fox Tower

Japanese Animated Shorts
Part of the Hollywood Theatre's "They Came from Japan" film series. Hollywood Theatre

Kill Your Idols
Cut down to its simplest themes, the no-wave doc Kill Your Idols is about generations and inspiration. It's structured into three parts: pioneers, those who were inspired by them (Sonic Youth, Swans), and those who were inspired by them (Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Black Dice). The film doesn't try to paint no-wave as this great romantic thing—instead, it rolls the tape and lets the music-makers say what they're going to say. (Adam Gnade) Clinton Street Theater

Linda Linda Linda
I really wanted to like Linda Linda Linda because the premise is completely adorable—a group of cute teenage Japanese girls have to scrap together a band in order to compete in their high school's music competition. However, given that the girls were wrapped up in rivalries and drama, I wanted to see more cat fights and bitchiness. Instead, I found out that Japanese girls are too polite, and the story lagged where it should have kicked ass. Screens as part of the Hollywood Theatre's "They Came from Japan" film series. (Christine S. Blystone) Hollywood Theatre

The Protector
See review this issue. Regal Cinemas, etc.

The Quiet
I suppose it's possible to make a decent film about somebody raping his progeny. But in The Quiet, incest is used simply because it's a Big Topic—not because the director or writers had anything in particular to say about it. The result is simply a 96-minute movie about a guy dorking his daughter. How swell. (Chas Bowie) Regal Cinemas, etc.

This is the story of Ryna (Doroteea Petre), a Romanian teenager who longs to escape her remote riverside town to become a photographer. Her jerk of a father, however, keeps her under his thumb—and under his hair clippers: He wishes Ryna were a boy, and forces her to keep her hair cropped and work on cars at his service station. He could care less about her ambiti ons, her teenage romances, or her identity as a young woman. It's a slow moving, quietly introspective film, with intriguing, washed-out cinematography to match (unfortunately, however, that means the subtitles are a bitch to read). (Amy Jenniges) Hollywood Theatre

TBA On Screen
The Time-Based Art Festival spreads its omniscience into the Whitsell Auditorium, with four programs: Films by Sutapa Biswas, Films by Laurie Anderson, Films by Johanna Billing, and N4467S: Tracking the "Torture Planes." Sutapa Biswas creates film installations "that re-imagine culture and relationships through diverse time periods and works of art"; see My, What a Busy Week! on pg. 17 for info about Laurie Anderson's films; Johanna Billing's work explores "changing societies and the emotions people lose touch with"; and N4467S—which screens next week—is a lecture-based program in which "experimental geographer" Trevor Paglen "uses diagrams, photographs, and other documents" to investigate the war on terror. Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium

The Wicker Man
The Wicker Man, the remake of the classic '70s horror film, is not delicious. The Wicker Man tastes like an over-ripe, under-written, test marketed to death Hollywood afterthought. The Wicker Man, quite frankly, tastes like shit. (Zac Pennington) Regal Cinemas, etc.