If I could avoid the social stigma that would result from such an action, I'd marry the Criterion Collection—DVDs that boast gorgeous film transfers, perfect audio mixes, and creator-oriented commentaries and special features that'll make any cinephile cream their jeans. And if the most unfortunate occasion occurred—in which I'd be sentenced to live a lonely life on a desert isle with only a TV, a DVD player, and three DVDs to keep me happy—I'm pretty sure I'd take the Criterion's beautiful releases of Wes Anderson's witty and poignant films.

Rushmore (1998)—Anderson's great second film (after 1996's Bottle Rocket), Criterion's excellent Rushmore disc is loaded with Anderson's own storyboards, auditions, a smart Charlie Rose Show with Anderson and Bill Murray, and—most hilariously—Anderson's short films for the 1999 MTV Movie Awards, which feature the tyke-sized "Max Fischer Players" stoically reenacting The Truman Show, Out of Sight, and Armageddon.

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)—The special features on Anderson's bittersweet J.D. Salinger tribute include an IFC Channel special on Anderson (directed by Albert Maysles) and The Peter Bradley Show, a deadpan riff on Charlie Rose that features interviews with the less-than-famous actors of Anderson's films (like that weird old Indian guy). Also, a complete collection of the film's stellar artwork, which is only upstaged by a hidden clip that shows Anjelica Huston's hair catching on fire.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)—Anderson's latest shows the usual Criterion care directed toward the feature, but also includes a ton of other stuff: A bizarrely funny Italian talk show interview with Anderson and co-writer Noah Baumbach, an exhaustive featurette on ex-Devo member/soundtrack composer Mark Mothersbaugh, a fascinating look at Henry Selick's stop-motion animations, no less than 10 performances of castmember Seu Jorge singing David Bowie songs in Portuguese, and an endearing short film by Anderson's unpaid intern, Matthew Gray Gubler (who, appropriately enough, plays Zissou's unpaid "Intern #1"). Also: Bill Murray singing, drinking, and dancing, plus a glimpse of revered actor Michael Gambon playing bloody knuckles and flipping off the camera.