The Chronicles of Life and Death (EPIC)

The boys of summer get all growed up with a Pop Punk opus, boasting some serious emotional growth. This is the sort of record you're gonna want to casually lay out on your coffee table to let 'em know that you're, you know, "sensitive" or whatever.

THE SKINNY: Sure, these dudes might wear more mascara than a West Hollywood prostitute--but if that's what it takes to stuff Hilary Duff, Revlon might just be this season's Axe Body Spray.


This Island (UNIVERSAL)

Former Femi-Nazi trio hit the majors and finally put out a record we can get behind. And beneath. And on top of. By toning down all the annoying feminism and turning up the party (not to mention finally getting a guy in the band), Le Tigre finally hit pay dirt.

THE SKINNY: After years of being an indie rock princess, Kathleen Hanna can finally afford some make-up and that bottle of Nair. Thank God for that.


Paris Is Burning


So, okay--there isn't even a release date for this record, but we googled another totally smokin' photo of Paris, and it would be an injustice to our readers not to run it. I mean, check it out: she's just begging for it. And when I say "it," I mean sex.

THE SKINNY: We here at Mercury for Men take solace in the fact that even though we are fat, ugly, and insufferably classless, we could still probably bone Paris Hilton if we had enough money. It's like the great equalizer.