Poultry On Film

As another Thanksgiving Day rolls around, now is a good time as any to think about what the holiday means to us. To me, it means poultry. And there's nothing that whets my appetite for turkey sandwiches, goose-liver pate, and McDonald's Chicken Tenders like a good movie about our fine feathered friends. Poultry--we love you!!

Million Dollar Duck (1971)--Mmmm, I love me some duck. And I especially love a duck that can make me an ass-load of money! In this Disney classic, Dean Jones stars as Professor Albert Dooley. When the dumb-butt doc accidentally showers Charley, the family duck, with radiation, it means two things: A) Thanksgiving dinner is ruined, and B) now the duck lays eggs with solid-gold yolks! Dooley and his one-eyed wife, Sandy Duncan, celebrate--until the evil Treasury Department goes "quackers" over Charley! Ho, ho, ho! Look out, Treasury Department! Looks like the "yolk" is going to be on YOU!

Eraserhead (1977)--This infamous cult classic directed by David Lynch lacks only one thing: MORE POULTRY. However, in this mind-boggling tale of Henry Spencer (Twin Peaks' Jack Nance), at least a tasty Cornish game hen is present. Henry is having dinner with his new wife (Mary X) and the in-laws (Mr. and Mrs. X). But when Henry is given the honor of carving up their delicious feast, a weird runny goo pours out of the game hen, and the bird leaps up and starts doing the hoochie-coo! Mrs. X goes into a trance and leaves the table, but Mr. X lets us know, "She'll be alright in a minute."

Rooster: Spurs of Death! (1983)--Actually, as far as poultry goes, one can do better than a rooster. That's why it's okay to watch them FIGHT TO THE DEATH! Cockfighting is the sport du jour in this small southern town... that is until cocky young idealist Vincent Van Patten shows up and tries to ruin the fun for everybody. Though ostensibly a condemnation of the sport, you don't mix midgets and extra-slo-mo cockfighting scenes in a movie unless you've developed a little "taste" for it. Know what I mean?