If you're like me (and I know you are), then you love you some Dolly Parton. Everyone can find something to love about Dolly, be it her winning charm, her amazing voice, her unwavering determination, or her plentiful rack. But there has to be a dark side... even Dolly's made a few stinkers. Therefore, prepare to enjoy the BEST of Dolly's worst.

• The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982)--Every time Dolly opens her mouth, the movie sparkles. When she shuts her mouth, the movie is sad, boring, and kind of embarrassing, in a Just Shoot Me kind of way. There is NO chemistry between leading man Burt Reynolds and Miss Dolly. I remember seeing this movie as a kid and thinking he was hot... was I fucking crazy? Probably.

• Rhinestone (1984)--Dolly is not happy working for super-sleaze Freddie Ugo, the owner of the titular (no pun intended) club and Miss D's contract. A bet is made. Dolly must turn the first regular Joe she comes across into a country-western star. If she succeeds, her contract is torn up; if she loses, Freddie gets to "handle her goods" for an additional five years. Enter crazy cabbie Nick (Sly Stallone), our muscle-bound Eliza Doolittle. Much silliness ensues, and not a lick of it the slightest bit funny. Even Dolly looks like she would rather be waxing her Grammys than starring in this piece of poop.

• Steel Magnolias (1989)--I know... I know... I'm a monster for hating this movie. But any film that forces Dolly to share the screen with "IT" girl Julia Roberts is a blackhead on Hollywood's nose. Mostly just a Disease-of-the-Week, TV movie rehash dressed up for the big screen, the film confuses kvetching with feminism. Dolly's character owns the beauty parlor where most of the action is set, so there is plenty of "D" throughout, THANK GOD! But then you have to sit through scene after scene of Sally Field eating stage left, then devouring stage right. Would someone just put her out of her misery? BRIAN BRAIT