Sidewalks of New York
dir. Edward Burns
Opens Fri Nov 30
Various Theaters

Relationships: They're all anyone cares about. Everyone loves to talk about who's dating who, whose boyfriend is a porn freak, who is emotionally immature and unable to commit, and whose girlfriend is a giant flirt with big fake breasts--It's really disgusting. And although I can't speak for anyone else, that sort of gossiping is absolutely beneath me.

So, to think that I would want to watch a whole two thousand hours about a bunch of couples and their stupid, whiney relationship problems is completely absurd. Edward Burns, author and director of relationship films The Brothers McMullen and She's the One, is obviously obsessed with the whole boy/girl thing, and cannot make enough films to purge it from his system.

Sidewalks of New York is a bit over the top. While The Brothers had a really adorable story on top of the mushy stuff, Sidewalks focuses completely on the issues arising from long or short-term love and sex. Stanley Tucci plays a chronically cheating husband who can never find happiness because he constantly needs to be validated with poontang. Heather Graham is his prudish wife.

Burns plays a cute single guy who has just been kicked out by his most recent long-term girlfriend. Surprisingly, Edward has written his own character to be perfect in every way--and a surprisingly good dresser. Ed wants more than anything to find the right woman and settle down with some kids, but keeps getting dissed. Heather feels the same and That's all I'm going to say, cause I don't want to give anything away about Heather and Ed.

Other love interests weave in and out of the main characters' lives, including a focus on Tucci's misguided 19-year-old lover, who has a lot of trouble realizing what a dick Tucci is.

The point of it all is that, even though love is really hard and you face a lot of obstacles, it really does exist. So don't get down if your husband is a big cheater, just dump him--I'm sure someone better is just waiting for you around the corner. Sidewalks is a good time, if you're into that whole "true love, you're the one" thing--but if you're feeling jaded or going to a movie with your porn freak, emotionally immature boyfriend, go see a war movie.