THURSDAY, MARCH 1
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
Four more contestants we couldn't give a crap about get the boot.
10:30 COM THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM
Sarah "explores her sexuality"... with another girl! Oooooooohhhhh...
FRIDAY, MARCH 2
8:00 CBS GHOST WHISPERER
When a six-year-old ghost won't stop screaming, the "whisperer" gives Casper a friendly ass-whuppin'.
9:00 VH1 THE AGENCY
The modeling agents panic when one of their girls turns sideways and disappears.
SATURDAY, MARCH 3
8:30 FOX COPS
When a bicyclist is found pedaling inside a truck stop bathroom, the officers suspect drugs could be involved.
SUNDAY, MARCH 4
8:30 FOX THE WINNER
Debut! Rob Corddry (The Daily Show) stars as loser trying to get his life together in this Wonder Years spoof!
10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
Starbuck is on the verge of a nervous breakdown—which is weird because everyone on the Galactica has it so eaaaaasy.
MONDAY, MARCH 5
9:00 FOX 24
Waitasecond... who invited back that waddle-necked creep President Logan?!
9:00 NBC HEROES
On the eve of the election, Nathan has an uncomfortable run-in with the mysterious Linderman.
TUESDAY, MARCH 6
9:00 CW PUSSYCAT DOLLS: SEARCH FOR THE NEW DOLL
Debut! Nine unfortunate women compete to become America's next top stripper.
9:00 FOX HOUSE
Dr. House examines an idiot savant. Since I'm a genius savant, I have no need for doctors.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 7
9:00 FOX THE WEDDING BELLS
Debut! A new sitcom featuring the Bell sisters who inherit their parents' insane wedding planning business.
10:00 ABC LOST
Yet another strange structure is found on the island. (My newest theory is that the castaways are actually stuck in an abandoned Vegas casino.)