THURSDAY, AUGUST 31

8:00 MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS

Jack Black hosts this annual ceremony to award the videos that MTV refuses to play. GOD! I HATE THOSE GUYS!

9:00 SCI WHO WANTS TO BE A SUPERHERO?

Season Finale! The most realistic superhero is given the grand prize—getting the crap kicked out of him behind the gym.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 1

9:00 CBS DAN RATHER: A REPORTER REMEMBERS

Longtime CBS anchor Dan Rather shares stories from his career—except that one where he gets fired.

8:00 A&E CHILD STARS: THEIR STORY

Former child stars Fred Savage, Danny Bonaduce, Sara Gilbert, and more discuss which convenience stores are easiest to rob.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 2

8:00 NBC PRIMETIME PREVIEW

A sneaky peek of NBC's new fall shows—hosted by the employees of The Office.

8:00 VH1 HEAVY: THE STORY OF METAL

VH1 brings the RAWK with this three-part tip o' the hat to heavy-metal music!

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 3

10:00 VH1 THE FLAVOR OF LOVE

If you haven't checked out this show, it's a hee-larious parody of The Bachelor and other cheesy dating shows!

10:30 TOON THE VENTURE BROTHERS

Don't miss this dark and funny send-up of 1960s adventure cartoons! Great animation, and really smart scripts.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 4

8:00 NBC UNAUTHORIZED STORY: DIFF'RENT STROKES

An unauthorized and dramatized peek at Gary Coleman, Dana Plato, and Todd Bridges before the poop hit the fan!

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5

8:00 MYNTV DESIRE

Debut! A Jersey restaurateur flees to California to escape the mob in this new nightly soap opera!

9:00 FOX STANDOFF

Debut! Ron Livingston (Office Space) and Gina Torres (Firefly) star in this buzzy new serialized drama.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 6

9:00 FOX JUSTICE

When a music producer is killed, a woman claims self-defense. Quick, call Sydney Bristow's dad!

9:00 MYNTV FASHION HOUSE

Maria tries to stop Luke from dating the sexy new intern. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,

SOMEBODY STOP LUKE!