THURSDAY, MARCH 6
9:00 ABC LOST
Juliette receives an unwelcome visitor, and Ben entices Locke with a sexy offer. EWW!
10:00 A&E CRIME 360
Debut! A new series exploring the criminal justice system. Tonight a homicide cop finds a body in a trunk. Again... EWW!
FRIDAY, MARCH 7
9:00 CMT ULTIMATE COYOTE UGLY SEARCH
Season premiere! Unlike those idiot Pussycat Dolls, this show actually has a pinch of charm.
SATURDAY, MARCH 8
8:00 SCIFI OGRE—Movie
(2008) John "Dukes of Hazzard" Schneider stumbles onto a village terrorized by ogres. Hope he brought the General Lee.
9:00 FOOD RACHAEL RAY FEEDS YOUR PETS
Did one of the pets eat her neck? Ka-ZING! Ya burnt, Rachael!
SUNDAY, MARCH 9
8:00 FOX THE SIMPSONS
The prank Bart and Lisa play on Martin Prince goes horribly... HORRIBLY wrong.
9:00 HBO THE WIRE
Series finale! Look, if you haven't watched it yet, don't start now. Rent the series on DVD like everyone else!
MONDAY, MARCH 10
8:00 ABC THE BACHELOR
This "where are they now?" episode reunites us with past bachelorettes, and... surprise! They're still pathetic!
8:00 FOX CANTERBURY'S LAW
Debut! A lawyer buries herself in work after her son disappears. That doesn't sound depressing at all.
TUESDAY, MARCH 11
8:00 CW BEAUTY AND THE GEEK
Season premiere! The hot chicks are given "make-unders" and sent into a bar to pick up guys.
11:00 MTV HUMAN GIANT
Season premiere! This hilarioso sketch comedy show returns with more disturbingly humorous fun.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 12
10:00 BRAVO TOP CHEF
Season premiere! Sixteen new wanna-be cooks vie for the top chef title, while keeping their fingers intact.
10:00 COM SOUTH PARK
Season premiere! Cartman, Kyle, and the gang return for their 12th season! (They've got to be getting close to puberty, right?)