THURSDAY, DECember 11 8:00 WB GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER Parents concoct a shrewd story to tell the kids after running over a grandparent with their SUV.

9:00 NBC WILL & GRACE The poop hits the fan when Grace steals Will's place in line for Barry Manilow tickets.

FRIDAY, DECember 12 8:00 UPN DR. NO--Movie (1963) James Bond uses the holidays to help cheer up an extremely negative physician.

10:30 FX HURT BURT An entire show that revolves around injuring a stand-up comic. This episode: Burt gets electrocuted by a stripper.

SATURDAY, DECember 13 8:00 COM THE COMMIES Andy Richter hosts this first annual tribute to all things funnyÉ and it had better be funny.

9:00 MTV THE OSBOURNE FAMILY CHRISTMAS Sharon does the unthinkable, forcing the family to worship Lil' Baby Jesus.

SUNDAY, DECember 14 8:00 CBS SURVIVOR: THE PEARL ISLANDS It's the two-hour season finale in which the entire cast is hacked up by Rupert's machete.

8:00 COM THE HEBREW HAMMER--Movie (2003) A superfly Rabbi busts some goyim ass when some gentiles try to steal Hanukkah.

MONDAY, DECember 15 8:00 NBC FEAR FACTOR The Fear Factor contestants celebrate Christmas by eating reindeer parts. (Yes, kids. Especially Rudolph.)

TUESDAY, DECember 16 8:30 FOX THE SIMPLE LIFE Paris and Nicole sign up for the county fair kissing booth. (Hey hillbillies! Say hello to herpes!)

9:00 BRAVO CELEBRITY POKER SHOWDOWN Card-playing celebs lose their shirts and self-respect in this nationally televised humiliation-a-thon.

WEDNESDAY, DECember 17 9:00 FOX THE O.C. Ryan races across town to give Marissa a New Year's Eve kiss. Omigod, these kids are making me sick.

9:00 ABC THE TEN MOST FASCINATING PEOPLE OF 2003 Host Barbara Walters spotlights the top ten newsmakers of 2003, including Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nicole Kidman, and Paris Hilton's sex tape.