THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18 8:00 WB HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS The classic Dr. Seuss cartoon and not that big pile of crap starring Jim Carrey.

8:00 FOX TRU CALLING Tru wakes up next to a dead ex-boyfriend, and wonders why in the hell her alarm didn't go off.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 19 8:00 UPN GOLDFINGER--Movie (1964) Super spy James Bond takes on the proctologist with the "Midas touch."

10:00 SCI SCARE TACTICS Guests realize that steak knives might not be the best gift for a "Chainsaw Cult" wedding.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 20 8:00 FOX COPS It's a holiday-themed episode of Cops, where our boys in blue chase down crooks, drunk Santas, and a lot of ho, ho, hos.

9:30 COM CHAPPELLE'S SHOW Tonight a crack addict gives an anti-drug speech to a class of elementary school kids.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 21 9:00 MTV VOLCANO HIGH--Movie (2003) MTV gets into the Asian chop-socky genre with this flick about martial arts students searching for a mystical manuscript.

9:30 FOX ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT Buster goes on a date with Lucille 2 (played by the hee-larious Liza Minnelli!).

MONDAY, DECEMBER 22 6:00 MTV NEWLYWEDS: NICK & JESSICA MARATHON Every single episode of this addictive series featuring Nick Lachey and Jessica "What are Buffalo Wings?" Simpson.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 23 8:30 FOX THE SIMPLE LIFE In this must-see repeat, Paris and Nicole almost drive a dairy farmer out of business.

9:00 TLC MOSTLY TRUE STORIES A fat guy dressed as Santa dies when he attempts to slide down the chimney, which is not funny. (Okay!! It's really funny!!)

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 24 8:00 NBC IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE--Movie (1946) Jimmy Stewart stars as a man who undergoes severe hallucinations after sniffing some "Zuzu petals."

8:00 TNT A CHRISTMAS STORY MARATHON 24-freaking-hours of Flick getting his tongue stuck on a flagpole, Ralphie's BB gun, and the brilliant Darren McGavin.