THURSDAY, DEC 25 8:00 FOX WORLD IDOL It's the American Idol champions vs. "idols" from around the world. Look out, Outer Mongolia Idol! You're about to get an ass kickin'!

9:30 COM SOUTH PARK It's an evening of holiday song and dance with Mr. Hankey, the musical Christmas turd.

FRIDAY, DEC 26 8:00 FOX FUNNIEST HOLIDAY MOMENTS Hilarious home video clips including a Christmas tree collapsing on grandma, and Santa suffocating in a chimney.

10:00 FX THE PEOPLE'S CHAMPIONS Normal jerks compete in bizarre tests to become champions in a world that doesn't give a shit.

SATURDAY, DEC 27 8:00 ABC THE SOUND OF MUSIC--Movie (1967) A governess and her Austrian family outwit Nazis by singing. Stupid Nazis.

10:30 HBO CATHOUSE 2 A peek inside an actual Nevada whorehouse! All the fun without the sexually transmitted diseases!

SUNDAY, DEC 28 8:00 ABC TV GUIDE'S GREATEST MOMENTS 2003 Greatest TV moments? Hey, TV Guide! You're a day late, and a dollar short, jerkoffs!

8:00 TNT GIRL, INTERRUPTED--Movie (1999) Winona Ryder gets caught shoplifting at Sak's and is confined to a mental institution.

MONDAY, DEC 29 10:00 NBC CELEBRITY POKER SHOWDOWN For those without cable, check out the Bravo show on NBC. Tonight, the cast of the West Wing proves they don't know shit about playing poker.

TUESDAY, DEC 30 6:00 TRIO POP CULTURE ROUNDUP 2003 A very funny and satirical look back at the names and faces that ruined 2003 for everyone.

8:00 FOX THE SIMPLE LIFE MARATHON Four episodes of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie destroying the lives of a poor farming community.

WEDNESDAY, DEC 31 10:00 ABC DICK CLARK'S NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' EVE For the love of God, can someone please put Dick Clark out of his misery? He's 107 years old for Chrissakes! He can barely stand!

10:30 MTV MTV'S NEW YEAR'S EVE For the love of God, can someone please put Carson Daley out of his misery? He's 107 years old for Chrissakes! He can barely stand!