THURSDAY, AUGUST 19 8:00 NBC SUMMER OLYMPICS Tonight's rundown features swimming, gymnastics andÉ Rrrrrrrowrrr! Pant! Pant! Ah-OOOH-Gah! Women's beach volleyball. 9:00 ABC ROAD TRIP --Movie (2000) Seann William Scott and Tom Green star in this scatological comedy about buds who hit the road to intercept a mis-mailed porno tape.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 20 8:00 FOX BERNIE MAC MINI-MARATHON Four episodes in a row of this very funny and sharply written sitcom. 10:00 USA MONK When obsessive-compulsive detective Monk starts taking meds, his crime-solving ability goes down the crapper.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 21 9:00 NBC SUMMER OLYMPICS Tonight's rundown includesÉ hmmmÉ Women's beach volleyball again. I wonder, is NBC trying to tell us something? 9:30 COM RENO 911! The squad gets extremely grossed out when they discover Officer Johnson's tongue down Officer Garcia's throat.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 22 7:00 USA BRING IT ON!--Movie (2000) The greatest cheerleading movie ever, and the only Kirsten Dunst movie that doesn't make me vomit. 9:00 HBO SIX FEET UNDER Evil bisexual Mena Suvari turns her claws on the sexually ambiguous Claire.

MONDAY, AUGUST 23 5:00 BRAVO SUMMER OLYMPICS The gayest network ever spotlights the gayest Olympic sport ever, synchronized swimming.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 24 9:30 HIS THE REAL DR. EVIL Apparently the "real" Dr. Evil is actually North Korean President Kim Jong II--but I still say Mini-Me is hilarious! 10:00 ABC IN THE JURY ROOM A new reality show where cameras take you inside jury duty. Oh boy! I just LOVE jury duty!

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 25 8:00 UPN AMISH IN THE CITY The Amish kids take a ride on a helicopter, pet some dolphins, and for their sins must return to the house with their asshole roommates. 9:30 COM SOUTH PARK The town of South Park is attacked by gigantic prehistoric monster Mecha Barbra Streisand!