THURS., AUGUST 26 8:00 FOX SIMPLE LIFE MINI-MARATHON Join Paris, Nicole, and Tinkerbell in a four-episode cross-country trip dedicated to annoying the hicks of the USA. 9:00 ABC CHARLIE'S ANGELS--Movie (2000) Drew, Lucy, and Cameron bring back the '70s in this fun, kickass remake of the original series.

FRI., AUGUST 27 8:00 NBC SUMMER OLYMPICS Tonight it's all about diving, track and field, andÉ men's synchronized swimming. HAW! HAW! HAW!!!!! 8:00 A&E SERIAL KILLER CRAZY! A marathon of A&E Biographies, all featuring crazy serial killers like Ed Gein, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Ted Bundy.

SAT., AUGUST 28 9:00 NBC SUMMER OLYMPICS Tonight features the most homoerotic sports: men's Greco-wrestling and canoeing. 9:00 VH1 BON JOVI: ONE LAST WILD NIGHT It's '80s rocker Bon Jovi in a live concert entitled "One Last Wild Night"É presumably before they're taken to the nursing home.

SUN., AUGUST 29 8:00 MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS Usher, Kanye West, Jessica Simpson, and Dave Chappelle pay tribute the best music videos (which can only be seen on MTV at 3:00 am). 9:00 HBO SIX FEET UNDER Nate finds himself in the legal doghouse, after pulling a cremation remains switcheroo!

MON., AUGUST 30 5:00 PBS REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION It's the GOP's turn to have a weeklong party. Tonight's entertainment: Pvt. Lynndie England humiliates and tortures an Iraqi prisoner.

TUES., AUGUST 31 9:00 NBC FATHER OF THE PRIDE Sneak Preview! A new animated series debuting this Fall about performing animals living in Las Vegas. 9:00 UPN THE PLAYER Perhaps the summer's guiltiest pleasure, self-proclaimed "players" vie for the hand of a model. Tonight: the players are attacked by alligators. Yeaaaaahhhhh.

WED., SEPTEMBER 1 9:00 NBC HAWAII Sneak Preview! A new private eye/buddy show featuring two smart-assy dicks working crimes in Hawaii. 10:30 COM RENO 911! Political hilarity ensues when the squad is assigned to work traffic control for a Presidential pit stop.