40 Days and 40 Nights
dir. Lehmann
Opens Fri March 1
Various Theaters

One thing that Hollywood has in its favor is the "critical faculties" switch inside everyone's head that automatically switches off when someone hot walks onto the screen. In the case of 40 Days and 40 Nights, the hotties in question are Josh Hartnett (Blackhawk Down) and Shannyn Sossamon (A Knight's Tale). However, is there a point where a movie can get so egregiously disgusting and stupid that the "critical faculties" switch blatantly refuses to switch off? Well, I guess it depends on the viewer. In my case, Josh Hartnett looks too much like a young Tommy Lee Jones to cause a stir within my loins. On the other hand, according to "those who I am intimate with," Josh Hartnett is a bonafide beefcake with whom one could easily engage in sexual congress. If you already know how you feel about Josh Hartnett, then maybe the plot can help you decide.

Suffering from a breakup, Josh vows to remain celibate for 40 days, but during that time discovers the love of his life, and is therefore unable to bone her.

And that's the complete plot. However, there are a few surprises along the way. For example, all the women in the movie are shameless sluts, who wear extremely short skirts and fishnet hose to work, and have nothing on their minds except demonstrating their power over men via screwing. That's fairly surprising (unless of course, you're a misogynist pig). It's also surprising that, in an attempt to seduce Josh, Shannyn bites her lower lip 27 more times than Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink. Equally surprising is the utter joy the characters exhibit while shaking their fists in that extremely clever way of denoting masturbation.

But most surprising of all is Josh Hartnett, who does not have a funny bone in his beefy body. When you're unable to generate a chuckle from falling backwards down some steps or setting your arm on fire--then you're really not funny. Of course, "those who we are intimate with" had no problem with any of the above and thought the movie was "okay." So congratulations, Hollywood! Thanks to the "critical faculties" switch, you've got another moneymaker!