"Jail isn't supposed to be a cakewalk..." begins KATU's priceless investigation of racketeer Bill Sizemore's complaint that Marion County jail food was cruel and unusual punishment.

Apparently, Sizemore called KATU after his 18-day incarceration to complain that the jail food was so carb heavy that he was reduced to eating meals out of the vending machine. And then:

According to jail staff and vendors, Sizemore was particularly attracted to blueberry cheese danishes and ate a lot of them during his stay. Each of the danishes he bought out of a vending machine carries 67 grams of carbohydrates, about half of which comes from sugar.

"He asked them (the vendors) to keep that full because he really liked that," said Sheila Lorance, Marion County Jail Commander. "And he bought them out."

Annnnd this demands a GIF. Courtesy of an anonymous reader: