Carafe, 200 SW Market, Mon-Fri 3-6 pm (3-5 pm on Keller Auditorium event nights), food specials from $1.95, cocktails from $4

Though Carafe is a little spendy during regular lunch and dinner hours, happy hour offers the perfect opportunity to try Parisian treats like escargots, pommes frites (that's Freedom Fries to you), or a crispy, creamy croque monsieur. Happy hour drink specials are also available—try the French Martini, or get your 007 on with a Vesper Martini.

Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside, daily 3-6 pm, midnight-2 am, $2.50 food, $3 well drinks

The Doug Fir has a killer happy hour, and if you get in early enough you've got a good shot at avoiding the crowds. You cannot beat a cheeseburger for $2.50, and the chicken strips and cheese fries are pretty damn good too. Of course, you'll probably drop three times the cost of your food on one of the DF's tasty signature cocktails (which they start serving at 7 am... in case you're, you know, having one of those days).

Pambiche, 2811 NE Glisan, weekdays 2-6 pm, Fri-Sat 10 pm-midnight, cheap food menu, drink specials

If only they had liquor, Pambiche would have hands-down the best happy hour in town—and as it stands, they're still a contender. Their "Hora del Amigo" features a delicious assortment of Cuban snacks, like empanadas, frituras, and fried plantains, all for $3 or less. Order a Palm Beach Cooler (with mint, white wine, and fruit), and do NOT, for the love of God, leave Pambiche without sampling the dessert case.