While I am not a vegan, I will only consume vegan dessert products. Part of this is due to the influence of my meat-eating boyfriend, whose neuroses are such that any fat-filled/processed sugar dessert sends him into a state of frenzy. This attitude, as you might imagine, is quite contagious.

Another reason I only consume vegan treats is because they are often UNCONDITIONALLY DELICIOUS, and you don't get an unstomachable blast of processed sugar, and there is a decent chance your food has been developed without the assistance of genetics scientists (though soybeans are the number-one genetically modified food, in case you were wondering). Ingredients count, especially when said ingredients might maim your future offspring.

Now, while I adore vegan treats, I'm not completely delusional; if they're not made right, it is true that vegan desserts are akin to eating sugared and balled-up Play-Doh. But I assure you, the following treats have been tried and tested time and time again, and they are the crème de la crème of treats sans la crème.

FreeZees Nutcreem Vegan Sweedee Pie --Don't let the vaguely lewd packaging deter you; Jimmy Nutcreem's Sweedee Pies are the most amazing vegan ice cream treat in the world, and wipe the floor with the more popular Tofutti Cuties. Made with the milky cream of pressed nuts (cashew, pecan) and spread with a scrumptious confetti of coconut, sesame seeds, and carob chips, the pie-shaped treats have the same thick, mouth-melting consistency of ice cream. Surprisingly, "nutcreem" ends up tasting more like rich praline flavoring than a can of Planter's, and has less fat, too--only seven grams for a mouth-melting pie of nutcreem, and they've recently replaced "organic evaporated cane juice" with "fructose." Zowie.

Uncle Eddie's Vegan Trail Mix Cookies--Squishy and moist, these will make you wanna go camping. Filled with nuts and raisins, Uncle Eddie's vegan trail mix cookies are simple and not too sweet, which adds to the illusion that you're actually eating something good for you.

Alternative Baking Company's Vegan Espresso Chocolate Chip Cookies--The Alternative Baking Company pride themselves on their not-so-vegan-tasting vegan cookies. While they have indeed made a cookie that can rival any of your grandma's recipes, they seem to have replaced the animal products with calories and fat grams. However, the 3,000,000,000 calories in their espresso chocolate chip cookies--chewy and extremely decadent, with the rich flavoring of fresh espresso--are worth risking. Especially convenient when it's too late for coffee, but you need a mega pick-me-up.

Black Sheep Bakery Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Squares--Black Sheep Bakery is, along with the Higher Taste sandwich company, the fucking undisputed champion of Portland's pre-made vegetarian food market. Black Sheep bakes muffins, cookies, brownies, quickbreads, and other treats, but their absolute best is the heavenly peanut butter chocolate chip square. It is a miracle they don't use cow butter in that thing, but it's the peanut butter that makes it so moist and cakey, soaking up coffee perfectly without becoming spongy. Out of all recommended vegan treats, this is the one that comes the closest to tasting like a non-vegan dessert, due to the aforementioned, deliciously chewy cakey-ness. (Available at various locally based coffee shops and restaurants worth your time, i.e. Half & Half, Fresh Pot, Chez What?, etc.)