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Bike racks are the newest weapon in wealthy Portlanders' war against the homeless.
Bike racks are the newest weapon in wealthy Portlanders' war against the homeless. northlightimages / iStock / Getty Images

GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Another rainy weekend is approaching, so if you have shit to do outside, get that shit done ASAP! In the meantime, let's get some NEWS shit done.


• Well, this is odd: A long-vacant building owned by known homeless person-hassler Jordan Schnitzer suddenly has a whopping 22 bike racks (!!) in a one block area (!!) on the sidewalk outside the building, which are most likely there to discourage homeless camping.. Unfortunately for Schnitz, his company didn't get the permits for those racks, soooooo... (in a sing-songy voice) "Some-body's in TROU-BLE!" Our Alex Zielinski has the details.

• IN SPORTING NEWS: Per the wishes of late owner Paul Allen, the Trail Blazers should be sold... and those buyers could be Nike founder Phil Knight and Los Angeles Dodgers minority owner Alan Smolinisky who have a $2 billion-plus offer on the table.

• This is a switch: The newest chief executive of Cascade Pacific Council (a Boy Scouts of America offshoot) is not only from Portland, he's Black, AND he's gay. (The BSA didn't allow gay adults into their ranks until 2015.)

• Get well soon to Oregon Senator Jeff Merkley who has tested positive for COVID again, ten days after his initial positive test in what he calls a "COVID-19 rebound."


• Here's your June 2 headline of the day: "U.S. has experienced more than 230 mass shootings so far this year."

• In other mass shooting news (which is something I guess we're doing now): Texas Senator Roland Gutierrez (D) says that the Uvalde police chief and others waiting outside the elementary school as students were being slaughtered never received word of children calling 911 from inside the building. Meanwhile in Tulsa, the gunman who killed four people at an Oklahoma hospital (after buying an AR-15 at 2 pm and using it at 5 pm) was, according to police, targeting the surgeon who recently operated on his back, claiming that he was still experiencing a lot of pain. And President Biden is scheduled to deliver a major address tonight asking Congress to act quickly on substantive gun legislation—but seriously, with Republicans the way they are, WHY FUCKING BOTHER?

• If approved by the FDA, the White House says that children under the age of five could start getting COVID-19 vaccinations as soon as June 21.

• IN OTHER KIDZ NEWZ: The final round of the Scripps National Spelling Bee goes down TONIGHT, and one competitor was allowed back into the competition after appealing the judge's decision on a misspelled word.

• And finally... prepare to bawl your freaking eyes out. (And then hang this up on your fridge.)