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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Here's a reminder for all you sexy people out there... we're throwing a special one-night only screening of HUMP! 2022 on the big screen at Revolution Hall on Wednesday, October 26—featuring the hottest (and sometimes hilarious) short flicks from horn-dogs just like YOU. Don't miss it... and now let's hop on some horn-dog NEWS!


• BIG NEWS: Multnomah County Deputy District Attorneys will now consider immigration consequences when prosecuting noncitizens in an effort to avoid deportation when possible, according to District Attorney Mike Schmidt. In a nutshell, this means if an American citizen and a noncitizen get a traffic ticket, both will be required to pay a fine, and neither will lose their family.

• Following the tragic crash that killed a popular Portland chef cyclist on SE Powell & 26th, hundreds of green-clad protesters created a human barricade to protect the bike lane on the dangerous street, calling on transportation agencies to reinstall the green bike boxes at the intersection. Our Isabella Garcia was there and files this report.

• Welp, apparently the repeated lies of the rich business community (delivered by their puppets in lobbying groups like People for Portland and certain city commissioners *cough* Mingus Mapps) as well as the corrupt, racially biased Portland police union are paying off. In the latest poll from the Oregonian, 82 percent of people in the metro area want more police—even though the bureau's done next to nothing to improve the training that gets people of color (and those suffering from mental distress) killed on a regular basis. (If you are one of those 82 percent and still have a "Black Lives Matter" sign in your yard... be honest with yourself and take it down.)

• Got snotty kids? If they're gonna be around other snotty kids at school and other places, then it might behoove you to get them vaccinated against the coming fall COVID-19 wave. And lucky you, Oregon just approved the latest vaccine booster shots which are available RIGHT NOW for children between 5 and 11 years old. Our Isabella Garcia has more.

• Reminder! President Biden returns tomorrow to Oregon to attend a volunteer event with Democrats on Friday, pop by a reception for gubernatorial candidate Tina Kotek on Saturday, and deliver a speech in Portland! (Dang! "Dark Brandon" is a busy dark bee!)


• Remember the January 6 committee? Well, they returned with a BANG today, showing alarming new footage of Nancy Pelosi and other congressional leaders desperately trying to regain control over the nation's capitol as domestic terrorists were swarming the building. The panel also voted UNANIMOUSLY to subpoena Donald Trump  in order to answer questions before the committee—and if he refuses? He could potentially be arrested—if you believe that's something that could actually happen. 

• In yet another loss for Trump, the Supreme Court (including the members he bought and paid for) flatly refused to intervene in the Mar-a-Lago documents case, in which Trump wanted stop a special master from reviewing the stuff he stole from the White House.

• The gunman who murdered 17 people at a Parkland, Florida, high school in 2018 has been spared the death penalty.

• Get well soon, Brandy!

• If you're thinking Netflix is too damn expensive for what it is, starting soon you'll be able to pay only $6.99 per month for the service... that is, if you don't mind watching four to five minutes of ads per hour.

• And finally... today in TOO MUCH NEWS: