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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Oh, hello, did you know that ELECTION DAY is less than a week away? PANIC!! Actually, don't panic—allow our Mercury endorsements and our handy-dandy CHEAT SHEET to show you the way, and sleep eaaaaasy! Now let's sleep on some NEWS.


• Remember last week when Mayor Wheeler and Commissioner Ryan accepted public input about their plan to criminalize homelessness (with a special front-of-the-line appearance from Ryan's wealthy real estate and lobbyist friends)? Well yesterday, the mayor and commish were told to sit down and shut up while the homeless community got their chance to tell them what they think of the plan. Our Alex Zielinski has the deets on what was a VERY illuminating meeting!

• The mayor of small town Rufus, Oregon was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder during a road rage incident on Halloween, where he allegedly pulled a gun and shot at a family of four. “I think the world of him, and so do a lot of people,” said a Rufus city councilperson who apparently doesn't know him very well.

• Hundreds gathered at Providence Park last night to celebrate the Portland Thorns' THIRD national championship win—AND the news that kick-ass forward, Christine Sinclair, will play another season for the Thorns!

• Whoopee-doo, author/funny guy David Sedaris is coming to Portland! And in this interview he talks about travel plans, helping his sister study for Star Wars, and asks if we know where he can find a dead body. (He came to the right place!)


• According to recently released emails, Trump's corrupt lawyers who attempted to overthrow the 2020 election was counting on Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas to issue a stay and rule that ballot counts in Georgia were legitimately in doubt. (Spoiler alert: Their plan imploded.)

• The shooter who murdered 17 people at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida in 2018 has been formally sentenced to life in prison without the hope of parole.

• Here's a switch: Trump has suddenly decided to settle a lawsuit (which is practically unheard of) involving a group of protesters who say they were assaulted by his private bodyguards during the 2015 presidential campaign.

 • Oh great, now Katy Perry's trying to steal my job....

• After former President Obama noted that Georgia senator hopeful Herschel Walker's impressive football career wouldn't help him much as a lawmaker, Walker shot back, "Put my resume against [Obama's] resume... I think I’ve done well." WHAT.

• Today in "unsurprising news": "Ye paid a settlement to former employee who alleged he praised Hitler and Nazis during meetings, documents show."

• And finally... Elon Musk, you'll never ruin THIS: