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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Look. You need cool presents for your friends and loved ones, and rightly, you want to buy them from small, local businesses, yes? Then for god's sake, stop wasting your freaking time and check out the Mercury's HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE! We've got all that stuff and more, and I don't know why I'm so ANGRY! It's a good thing! AUGHHH! Let's read some NEWS!


• Who's in the mood for a little political blackmail? Portland City Council was prepping today to gut the annual budget for the Joint Office of Homeless Services—the region's agency dedicated to addressing homelessness—IF county legislators don't fork over additional funding to cover regional rent assistance. (Homeless advocates and others are correctly identifying this as baby games being played because the city is madz at the county. Sounds SUPER PRODUCTIVE!) Our Alex Zielinski has the disgusting details.

• Multnomah County commissioners voted today to advance a plan to rename the Sauvie Island Bridge to something that better reflects the indigenous population who first lived in the area... annnnnnnd... well, the original white settlers were dicks. Our Isabella Garcia dives into the details!

• Whoopee, another lawsuit against the city (collect all 34,823): A bike advocacy group announced this week that they're gonna sue Portland, and are accusing the city of failing to uphold a 1971 state law requiring pedestrian and bicycle infrastructure in street construction projects. Find out more in this story from our Isabella Garcia.

• Welp, here's the creepiest local story you'll probably read today: "Sword death of Portland landlord in slasher mask ruled self-defense." (And you thought your landlord was bad?)

• Despite what (ahem) a certain local food critic may think, Gregory Gourdet's wildly popular new eatery Kann has been named "America's Best New Restaurant." 🤷‍♂️

• Apropos of nothing, here's a good food review!


• Political badass/House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced she will be stepping down from her role (but staying in Congress) after two decades of expert Democrat wrangling. Representative Hakeem Jeffries of New York is one of her possible replacements.

• Due to their staggeringly terrible fuck-ups during presale, Ticketmaster announced they are CANCELLING tomorrow's general public sale for tickets toTaylor Swift's "The Eras Tour." BOOOOOOOO!!! 

• WNBA star and political pawn Brittney Griner has been transferred from detention to a Russian penal colony which, according to those who have been there, IS NOT GOOD.

• New deep space porn just dropped by the James Webb telescope! Check out the pics of galaxies that were formed at the dawn of time. (This forced recognition of insignificance does NOT make me feel better about Taylor Swift tickets!)

• And finally... here's how Portland's wealthiest people act on a daily basis.