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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Attention gift buyers! You need cool presents for your friends and loved ones, and rightly, you want to buy them from small, local businesses, yes? Then check out the Mercury's HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE which is chock-a-block filled with super cute, fun, and amazing local stuff! Now, let's shop for a chock-a-block of NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• BIG NEWS OF THE DAY: "Oregon Gov. Kate Brown pardons 45,000 people with marijuana possession convictions." Brown is leaving office with a bang by granting pardons to thousands of people who, before 2016, were convicted of possessing one ounce or less of cannabis. And here's the best part: "The move will also forgive more than $14 million in fines and fees associated with the offenses." All together now: OH, HELL YEAH! 👏

• This Alex Zielinski exit interview with outgoing JOHS Director Singleton covers a lot of interesting ground, including the inner workings of the region's largest homelessness agency, the steady stream of misinformation about homelessness from... well, you know who, and the city's stubborn refusal to listen to experts. BUT! Singleton also shares a lot hopeful thoughts for the agency's future. Check it out—that is, if you care about what's actually being done about homelessness, and not just being a thoughtless screamer. (Portland has enough of those.)

• Ummm... guys? I think something needs to be done about a growing number of Oregon sheriffs who are refusing to enforce laws that the majority of Oregonians have voted for... such as the recent passage of Measure 114. Here's what Jefferson County Sheriff Jason Pollock wrote on Facebook about the measure: “When it comes to our constitutional rights I’ll fight to the death to defend them. No matter what crazy law comes out of Salem!” So I guess we're just letting right-wing nutbags make the laws now?

• Of allllll the new film versions of Pinocchio that have come out this year, you're probably most interested in the Guillermo del Toro version, yes? (The one that employed Portland animators?) Then check out the Chase Hutchinson review which is mostly favorable—but takes points away for going too soft on fascism. 

• You food lovers will probably be interested in the O's Michael Russell's list of "Portland's 25 Best New Restaurants" which includes a lot of bangers, including the *almost* universally-beloved Kann. (This is a review you can probably trust.)

IN NATIONAL/ WORLD NEWS:

• Army veteran/hero Richard M. Fierro has been identified as the man who disarmed and took down the shooter who, now facing murder and hate crime charges, killed five and injured 18 others at Colorado's Club Q over the weekend. He was with his family watching a drag show when the attack happened, and says he went into "combat mode," thereby helping save the lives of countless others. And yet? This is how the cops treated him:

• A plan for European teams to wear "One Love" pro-LGBTQ armbands was halted after FIFA warned the players that anyone seen in them would receive "yellow cards." Just a reminder that FIFA is the absolute fucking worst.

• World's worst boss, Elon Musk, continues his journey to fuck up Twitter for those remaining by welcoming asshole extremist Rep. Marjorie Taylor Green back on the site. (Trump was also invited, but declined, saying "there was no point." It always amazes me when he's right about something.)

• Hooray for another NASA success as their Orion test capsule successfully orbited the moon and came within 80 miles of the surface, as the agency preps to send actual humans to the planet as early as 2024.

• And finally... get your tiny, human-like hands off me.