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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! If you love a festive, holiday cocktail, get ready to crap your pants in glee... for the Mercury's HOLIDAY DRINK WEEK is happening RIGHT NOW! Get all sorts of creative, holiday-themed fancy cocktails concocted by your fave Portland bartenders... and get this: They're only $7 each! But hurry, hurry—the fun ends this coming Sunday, December 4. Now let's drink up some partially festive NEWS.


• HELLO to Portland's screeching wealthy people who cannot be convinced that the city and county are making headway in getting the homeless off the streets and into permanent housing. Check out the opening sentence from this OPB article about the voter-approved supportive housing fund: "In its first year, Metro’s supportive housing fund placed 1,669 people into homes." 💥 An oversight committee will now look into the fund to see if even more improvements can be made, but WOW. Wave this in the face of the next willfully ignorant rich person you see screaming at a cloud.

• Related: Despite little interest from the county, and against the advice of actual experts (who weren't even asked), on Wednesday, City Council is expected to pass a $27 million “down payment” for the six internment camps described in Mayor Wheeler and Commish Ryan's plan to criminalize the homeless. They say this money would build and operate three of the camps for one year. Commissioner Jo Ann Hardesty was the lone voice of reason who voted against it. (Too bad she was voted out of office, only to be replaced by a puppet from Portland's wealthy "Screaming at Clouds Committee.")

• Attention snow bunnies:

• Despite a court ruling that struck the idea down in Washington County, Multnomah County is still heavily considering throwing caution to the wind and creating a ban on the sale of all flavored nicotine products in a bid to stop the county's kids from getting so easily hooked on this addictive garbage.

• Police have been called in to investigate a suspicious death after a body was found inside a building that burned down on Sunday night in the Lloyd District.

• Calling all trash pandas! 🦝 It's time for the hilarious new edition of THE TRASH REPORT by the hilarious Elinor Jones! This week: Salt & Straw's new "PANIC!" flavor, look out for "Kevin the Turkey," and Ellen's got a new skincare line for mean people. 🤔


• China's possible leader for life, Xi Jinping, is not making any friends with his oppressive, long-running “zero COVID” strategy which is sending thousands of demonstrators into the streets in cities across the country, calling for Xi's resignation.

• Republican leaders in rural Cochise County in Arizona are refusing to certify the results of the 2022 election—even though there were no irregularities detected with the vote. (So now they're just doing it out of habit?)

• Wheeeeeeee!

• Former professional liar for Donald Trump, Kellyanne Conway, reportedly sat in front of the January 6 investigatory committee today, testifying for five hours even though she left the Trump administration months before the domestic terrorist attack on the capitol. 🍿

• Headline: ‘Gaslighting’ is Merriam-Webster’s word of the year for 2022. (Uh-huh. That is exactly what they want us to believe!)

• And finally... I'm sorry, but this was actually helpful.