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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Heyyyyyyy... you're doing holiday shopping right now, right? And you've got a sexy friend, but can't decide what to get them? How about some HUMP! 2023 film festival tickets, which is coming March 3-11? Those live shows are super fun and always sell out, so get 'em the perfect gift... the gift of "sexy." Now allow me to gift YOU some sexy NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• The Oregon Department of Justice has asked a federal judge to delay ONE aspect of the tough-on-guns Measure 114, before it activates on December 8: Allow police chiefs and sheriffs two months to figure out and implement the new permitting system. Other than that, they say the other provisions of the measure—such as magazine size and background checks—are golden constitutionally and can proceed as planned. 

• ICYMI: On Friday, Street Roots published a humdinger of a story that revealed the resignation letter from  Margaux Weeke, Commish Dan Ryan’s former communication director and senior policy advisor, who said she could no longer work for Ryan “due to a moral conflict” brought about by the commissioner and Mayor Wheeler's very expensive plan to criminalize the homeless and force them into large internment camps. Weeke added, "It is my strong belief that forcing hundreds of unhoused people into large, sanctioned camping sites with minimal services will cause irreparable trauma and unnecessary deaths"—and she ain't wrong. Unfortunately "morality" no longer has a place in the current PBA-run City Hall. 

• Oh, speaking of which, did you catch the Oregonian's latest Steve Duin column (which features a guest appearance from ME! 😊) in which he attempts to defend Portland's millionaires—in particular, Salt & Straw's Kim Malek, who threatened to take her headquarters out of Portland because of homeless fears? Duin presumably thought this defense was necessary because... who's going to think of the millionaires' feelings?!? There are tons of self-owns in this panic-stricken piece, but the best one came from Malek herself who said, “You know who has really showed up [when we cried out for help]? All of our elected officials.” Say, when's the last time the city came running when YOU asked for help? Again, for those in the back: In post-pandemic Portland, businesses are more important than people. 

• Food news: Kenny & Zuke’s is closing their downtown deli flagship location, but! But! BUT! They will be opening up a brand new shop with a "bagel-centric" menu across the river on North Williams. 😋

• Plug into fun and festive events from Soccer Mommy to Portland Cello Project, and from Miracle at Deadshot to Crafty Wonderland with the help of our handy weekly guide. It's the best 74 things to do this week!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Trump's mostly conservative Supreme Court is seemingly siding with a Christian web designer who thinks the state shouldn't compel her to make wedding sites for same-sex couples—because she's afraid she'll develop internet cooties or something? People are stupid and a fucking waste of time.

• Moscow is claiming that Ukrainian drones attacked two of their air bases deep within Russia, which (if true) would indicate that Ukraine is no longer afraid to take the war to Putin's front steps.

• Tens of thousands are without power in North Carolina following a targeted gunfire attack on two rural electrical substations—which does not bode well for the rest of America's vulnerable electric infrastructure.

• In World Cup news, Brazil—who has clinched the championship five times in the past—made short work of Korea, mercilessly whomping them 4-1, and on Friday will take on Croatia.

• And finally... I need this babysitter.