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Good afternoon, Portland! Starting tomorrow, the sun will set after 5 pm, which means that very soon, us elder millennials who have a hard time driving at night will feel comfortable driving to the grocery store after dinner. Let's see what other good news is out there, mkay?
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• As reported by our own Isabella Garcia, the success of Oregon's Measure 110, which decriminalized possession of small amounts of some drugs and would provide funding for addiction treatment, has been hard to quantify due to poor (or nonexistent) reporting metrics. Look, this summary is absolute garbage compared to Isabella's reporting so just go read the whole thing.
• Oregon Health & Sciences University's primate research center leads the nation in Animal Welfare Act violations. According to OPB, staff had previously petitioned for better leadership and said that they were subjected to bad working conditions, which resulted in the deaths and injuries of animals in their care. As somebody upon whom the 1995 disaster movie Outbreak heavily imprinted, I don't love knowing that the folks running viral research on monkeys in our town aren't running a tight ship!
• According to the Oregonian, Seal will bring his 30th anniversary national tour to Portland in June. After all the wild marine mammal news of the last few days, it for real took me a minute to realize this was about Seal, the beloved singer of "Kiss by a Rose," and not another aquatic animal-related concern.
Let's go, smarty butt! 🤓 It's time to play the new edition of POP QUIZ PDX. This week, see if you can correctly answer questions about local exploding whales, mysterious disappearing beer fests, and... what ARE we going to do with your dead body? 💀https://t.co/uSOK1GMOIx— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) January 19, 2023
• From our friends at The Stranger: Seattle's democratic socialist city council person Kshama Sawant will not be seeking reelection and intends to start a new campaign called "Workers Strike Back." She penned an op-ed for The Stranger in which she holds nothing back and names names, including some DSA darlings. It's politics, it's tea, it's worth a read.
• President Joe Biden is sending almost a billion dollars to western states like ours who've fallen into the nasty habit of bursting into flames every summer. Hope that cash is flame-resistant! Ha ha.
Like FREE stuff? Then enter to win FREE TIX to see the HUMP! film festival and/or the heavy metal mania of Lacuna Coil in this week's Mercury FREE TICKETS THURSDAY! 🤑https://t.co/xYTcoU2cQs pic.twitter.com/SgK03SrLPt— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) January 19, 2023
IN NATIONAL/INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• The Supreme Court had been investigating who leaked Justice Alito's opinion overturning Roe v. Wade, and in a balm to a weary nation already distrustful of their government, today they released their findings, which were: "we dunno." Cool. We definitely trust them more now!
• I do trust her though. Smoke 'em, Liz:
Hold on: House Republicans want a national 30% sales tax on everything from groceries to gasoline? They want to raise taxes on working-class & middle-class families while slashing them for millionaires & billionaires?— Elizabeth Warren (@ewarren) January 19, 2023
Are they TRYING to show exactly how out of touch they are?
• U.S. union membership rates have reached an all-time low. What's a little confusing is that while the number of Americans in unions has grown, the workforce has also grown, making union members a smaller slice of the pie. Come on now, comrades! Don't you want guaranteed raises and sick leave and health benefits? Get organized!
• The Virginia teacher who was shot two weeks ago by a 6-year-old student has been released from the hospital. The student's family released their first statement since the shooting occurred in which they praise the teacher's caring for their son. It's all very sad.
• Musician David Crosby of The Byrds and Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young passed away today at the age of 81. His Wikipedia page is a ride and I really recommend opening that window and placing it in front of whatever work you're pretending to do at your job right now. He had this to say about death only yesterday:
I heard the place is overrated….cloudy https://t.co/Bpl7pM9k7s— David Crosby (@thedavidcrosby) January 18, 2023
• It's possible to be both against the American system of mass incarceration while also happy that the horrible San Francisco man who turned his hose on a homeless person has been arrested.
• Chrissy Tiegen and John Legend shared that their third child, a girl named Esti, has been born. Mazel!
• I'm not sure this really counts as "news," but the brilliant minds of Go Fug Yourself put together a career fashion retrospective of beloved stoner actor Seth Rogen and I think more people need to know that he's been looking like a total smokeshow lately.
• I prefer the leading with the classic "so then I says to Mabel, I says" but this might work too:
“Splish splash I was taking a bath” would be an insane way to start an actual story.— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) January 18, 2023