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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Saaaaay, if you get stuck inside by all this frosty weather we're having out there, you may want to spend your time wisely... by filling out the Mercury's SEX SURVEY! It has tons of sexy, fun questions to answer, and... who knows? It may even give you *ideas* on how to spend the rest of your evening! But before you get carried away, here's some only somewhat sexy NEWS.


• Speaking of frosty weather, Portland is opening four emergency warming shelters at 8 pm tonight for those who won't be able to escape the frigid temps that are predicted to drop to a low of 23 degrees. 🥶 Look out for your houseless neighbors especially, and let's not forget that it was new Commissioner Rene Gonzalez who chose this point in this frigid winter season to stop his bureau employees from delivering life-saving tents and tarps to those who can't escape the weather. YOU VOTED FOR HIM, PORTLAND. (Don't make the same mistake twice!)

• Speaking of snow-y stuff, it's really coming down as I write this, and the entire region is under a winter weather advisory, which could make for a slippy-slidey trip home for Portland commuters. Most of the lowland area is predicted to get up to three inches of snow by tomorrow, so be safe out there!

• Today the City Council heard testimony on a new proposal from the city auditor that would allow Portlanders to vote for a "transparency watchdog" to make sure citizens know what the local government is up to—and the council not only tabled the resolution, but voted to put the onus on the auditor to review transparency practices? OMIGOD, I cannot wait to vote these people out!

• The Portland Police Bureau has suspended Sgt. Jeffrey McDaniel for two and a half weeks without pay for allegedly including a slide in a training presentation that depicted a cop beating the shit out of a "dirty hippie" protester, along with an offensive poem of sorts that's too ignorant to repeat here. McDaniel strenuously denies he added the slide, even though, according to the bureau's investigation, all evidence points to him. Stand by for an apoplectic cry-baby hissy fit to be thrown by our local police union.

• Today in SAAAAD TROMMMMBOOOONE: "Walmart to close Portland stores at Delta Park, Eastport Plaza."

• Looking for the latest hot local music news? In this week's edition of Jenni Moore's HEAR IN PORTLAND: The big feelings of Small Millions, Portland hip-hop artists onscreen, and let's roll out the red carpet for Rico Nasty!


• The rest of the nation is experiencing wild weather as well, with snow pelting the midwest,  Los Angeles bracing for a rare snowstorm (while the rest of their state is also experiencing high winds), there are tons of highway closures from Arizona to Wyoming, and over 1,500 flights (so far) have been canceled.

• Today in "liars gonna lie": Former Arizona attorney general Mark Brnovich knowingly refused to release a report from his office that provided evidence that a series of 2020 election fraud claims were utter bullshit, as the rest of us who don't watch Fox News already knew. Ummm... what's the phrase? Oh, yeah... LOCK HIM UP!

• Trump co-conspirators (and family!) Ivanka Trump and hubby Jared Kushner have been slapped with subpoenas and instructed to testify against Pop in the continuing investigation into his ties to the January 6 attack as well as Trump's efforts to overturn the 2020 election.

• Another non-surprise: "Suspect in Colorado LGBTQ club shooting ran a neo-Nazi site, testimony reveals."

• The man who murdered celebrated rapper Nipsey Hussle has been sentenced to 60 years to life in prison. 

• And finally.... cat owners. AMIRITE?