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Good Afternoon, Portland! A little housekeeping: Today is the last day to take the Mercury's Sex Survey. The Mercury's fancy cocktail week has been extended through the weekend. And the HUMP! Film Festival starts Friday. Now, let's get to the news.

IN LOCAL NEWS:
• A bill in the Oregon House—HB 2697—would seek to establish and enforce nurse-to-patient ratios. The Portland Business Journal reports that the Oregon Nurses Association supports the bill, citing multiple health concerns impacting overworked nurses. The Oregon Association of Hospitals and Health Systems argues that... what if it creates a problem of too many nurses? Yeah, that tracks.

• I, for one, welcome our dairy apartments.

• INBOX INFO: Tonight's showing of My Fair Lady at the Keller Auditorium has been cancelled because the production's trucks got stuck in the snow at the border between Oregon and California. 

• EVEN MORE INBOX: Hunter Noack of IN A LANDSCAPE will soon drag his piano out into sites of pristine wonder, once more. While the whole run of dates hasn't yet dropped, he's announced a pretty cool one: A nighttime performance at Oregon’s only Dark Sky Park, Prineville Reservoir. 

• Also, check on this review from the Mercury's Spring Arts Preview—there are some cool double-bill shows associated with it, happening this weekend:

IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• Germany gave other countries permission to send German-made "Leopard" tanks to Ukraine. But it turns out that a lot of those tanks are no longer operational. The New York Times points out that this might be because Europe hasn't really engaged in large-scale land war since WWII.

• Also in Europe:

• The Biden administration's plan to forgive student loans had its day in court today. Most news sources do not think things look good for the attempt at partially forgiving debtors with government-held student loan debt. The New York Times explained that the Biden administration relied on the 2003 Higher Education Relief Opportunities for Students (HEROES) Act, which allows the nation's secretary of education to “waive or modify any statutory or regulatory provision” in times of war or other national emergency. The repayment pause fell within those parameters. The debate rages on as to whether more general forgiveness would.

• If you're feeling kind of 😑 this afternoon, you might enjoy this semi-ridiculous Defector piece about glassy-winged sharpshooters: pinto-bean sized insects that shoot globules of their own urine. More from the piece: "Glug glug glug! Splat splat splat!"

• Something I meant to tell you last week, Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally are joining the cast of Umbrella Academy for its fourth and allegedly final season.

• Who needs skills when you have gay?

@marcsebastianf ✨queer delusion✨ it’s fundamental! #gay #lgbt #queer #diy #craft ♬ homosexual audacity makes the world go round - Marc Sebastian