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Good afternoon, Portland, and Happy International Women's Day! I invite you to celebrate the occasion in my headspace, which is by reading the news and sighing deeply and then closing your eyes and rubbing your temples. And boy oh boy (or should I say woman oh woman?) is there news that'll get you there:


• Our former Mercury colleague and permanent best friend Alex Zielinski brought us this funny-ha-ha screengrab from a Portland City Council meeting that people wouldn't stop interrupting: 

She went on to tweet that Mayor Ted Wheeler said "this is not a game show" in response to the hecklers, but usually people in the audience of game shows aren't encouraged to yell stuff... so next time I expect a better analogy, Mr. Mayor. 

• From Street Roots: "Details on Portland's Mass Camp Plans Emerge From Failed Negotiation." I really recommend reading the whole thing, but the gist of it is that property owners are having a hard time getting on board with hosting the mayor's proposed homeless internment camps. Gee, wonder why? Wheeler will be holding a press conference tomorrow morning to talk more about this, so keep an eye on your favorite local source of news for more on this then.

• Oregon's Employment Department has released the latest unemployment numbers, and they're holding steady at the very small number of 4.8 percent, which is still higher than the national average of just 3.4 percent. Aw. We always gotta be different. OPB says the healthcare sector is adding the most jobs, which makes me hope that some day I'll get a dentist appointment I don't have to wait three months for.

• So pretty:

• In the weather: It snowed a ton at my house this morning and had me flashing back to two weeks ago, but then I blinked and it was gone, and now the temperature is only going up, up, up! I feel like we are mere days from the first fake-Spring day when we start leaving our coats at home despite it only being, like, 58 degrees.

• And if you want to take the local temperature of horniness, please do check out the results of the Mercury's sex survey. I, for one, found them very [eyes bugging out, chin dropping, tongue rolling out of my mouth, flames coming out of my ears].


 A new study just came out showing that when countries work towards achieving gender equality, it benefits everyone, not just women! Which is really cool information despite my belief that many men would rather die young of preventable disease than cede any power to any woman, ever. So I guess I'll categorize this news as "whelp, what are ya gonna do?"

CNN reported that food ingredients are getting cheaper even though the food products we buy are still getting more expensive. Read the whole thing if you want, but I'll give you a hint as to why: It rhymes with crapitalism.

• When writing these news round-ups, I'm usually furiously scrolling twitter to find the most interesting and timely stories, but when I was checking on the latest from the Washington Post, this is the one that most urgently compelled me to click through, and I recommend you do the same. (Golden Girls, for Geese! Golden Goose Girls? The possibilities are endless. Honk honk!

• CNN did one of those terror-inducing stories about how climate change is melting glaciers and reviving ancient viruses, if you'd like to have nightmares tonight.

• Nobody knows who will present the Best Actress Academy Award this weekend since Will Smith can't be there cuz he got banned for slapping Chris Rock. I feel like they'll probably call on some heavy hitter like Denzel Washington to take over because he has that sort of "nobody better make a fucking scene here" gravitas that the moment calls for. But I do like to imagine Will Smith trying to attend in some sort of Mrs. Doubtfire-esque disguise, and please let me know if you see anything suspicious.

• I promised you outer space news, and here it is: NASA has found an asteroid that might collide with Earth on Valentine's Day, 2026. So if you thought it was hard to get a reservation for Valentine's Day this year....

• HA HA! Speaking of jokes:

Enjoy the rest of your Wednesday!