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Elon Musk: Clearly the most trustworthy human alive.
Elon Musk: Clearly the most trustworthy human alive. Pool / Getty Images

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Another mixed bag of weather for the weekend, but at least it's not raining frogs, right? (I wish I hadn't said that.) LET'S GET INTO SOME NEWS!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• After resubmitting their ballot measure that would suck money away from permanent housing for the homeless and put it into temporary shelters, lobbying group People for Portland have failed for the second time to have their proposal approved by Metro lawyers, who, ALSO FOR THE SECOND TIME, let them know that the language in the initiative is unconstitutional. (I'm starting to think People for Portland are serial failures who don't care much for the constitution!) Our Alex Zielinski has all the pathetic details.

• Okay, prepare for your brain to bleed out of your ears: Health workers and staff at OHSU received an email sent by hospital administrators that promised $7,500 to "all employees who are experiencing financial hardship as a result of the coronavirus pandemic.” All they had to do was hit a link to get more information, and... surprise! It turns out the money offer was actually a hoax meant to teach employees not to fall victim to phishing schemes and be swindled... by their own bosses? WHAT THA F—???

• What's it like to work in Portland City Hall for six years, particularly under the divisive rule of Mayor Ted Wheeler? Find out in this Alex Zielinski exit interview with Wheeler's most veteran staffer, Seraphie Allen. (Which occasionally gets VERY spicy!)

• Thinking caps on! It's time for another super fun POP QUIZ PDX, this week featuring quizzy Qs about Portland news, the worst karaoke songs, and futuristic cars (from the past)!

IN NATIONAL/INTERNATIONAL NEWS:

• Putin's forces and Ukraine are gearing up to fight what could be the bloodiest battle yet for control over the eastern part of the country, as the Russians are getting closer to completely taking the city of Mariupol after weeks of carnage. Meanwhile, following the sinking of a Russian missile-firing ship in the Black Sea, Putin vows that attacks will continue on the city of Kyiv.

• Feckless shithead/Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is the latest to sign a draconian anti-abortion measure into law, as this newest legislation will ban the medical procedure 15 weeks after pregnancy, thereby limiting even more people from access to abortion in the deep south.

• Speaking of feckless shitheads, two Republicans in Congress have been busted for sending text messages to Trump's former chief of staff Mark Meadows, offering advice on how they could overthrow the election.

• Today in HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!: "Elon Musk wants to buy Twitter, make it ‘maximally trusted’." HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

• AHOY THERE, STONERS! The SPLIFF Film Festival—featuring short, hilarious, trippy, and thoughtful mini-movies about cannabis and made by stoners just like YOU—is coming to Revolution Hall for one night only TOMORROW Saturday, April 16! GET THOSE TICKETS NOW! (And speaking of the munchies, your favorite week of the year is almost here: It's the Mercury's PIZZA WEEK featuring $3 specialty slices at 28 locations across the Portland area, starting Monday, April 18-24. Eat 'em up!)

• And finally... FRIDAYS, amiright?