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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Screw off, autumn! Because we can once again expect sunny skies and the objectively perfect temperature of 85 this weekend. (Apologies to your cable-knit sweaters.) Now let's cable-knit some NEWS!


• Last night supporters and opponents of the upcoming Charter Reform ballot measure that YOU will vote on in November came together for a debate—and it was co-moderated by the Mercury's own Alex Zielinski and the O's Shane Kavanaugh! Want to be the smartest person in the room when it comes to Charter Reform? THEN WATCH THIS.

• Bad news for City Council candidate Rene Gonzalez: The city elections office told the candidate that, actually, he DID clearly violate small donor election laws after accepting—and failing to report—a whopping 96 percent discounted rental rate for a campaign office offered by local moneybags Jordan Schnitzer, and (saaaad trommmbone) will have to pay his historic fine. Man, it SUCKS when rules also apply to you!

• According to UCLA researchers, last summer's extreme heat event in Portland was apparently a once-in-10,000-years (!) incident, but it was even hotter due to... you guessed it... climate change.

• Traffic note! The Portland Marathon will be taking to certain streets this Sunday, so plan your transportation route carefully or do like me and cheer on the runners while passing out shots of bourbon.


• Whoooo-wheee, Vladimir Putin really seems to be going off the rails if his latest belligerent speech is any indication; while bragging about his corrupt annexation of parts of Ukraine, he also railed against western "despotism" and "Satanism." (Takes one to know one?)

• Meanwhile the White House has leveled even more sanctions against Putin's Russia in retaliation of his illegal annexation of parts of Ukraine.

• President Biden has declared a preemptive state of emergency for South Carolina as Hurricane Ian continues its devastating journey up the coast, flooding the city of Charleston. The full blast of the storm is expected to hit the state Friday night. Meanwhile in Florida, at least 21 people have been reported dead due to the hurricane.

• Trump-appointed judge, Aileen Cannon, has (surprise!) once again sided with Trump in his continuing fight against the FBI's Mar-a-Lago raid. This time she has rejected the order from special master Raymond J. Dearie who wanted Trump's lawyers to prove that the FBI had planted evidence, saying, "Naaaaaaah, you guys don't have to do that. By the way, where are you taking me to lunch today?"

• After seven years on the air, comedian Trevor Noah announced he will be leaving The Daily Show to continue his comedy career.

• And finally, gotta go... AND FIND THESE SHIRTS.